Dealing with the Stress of Running Late

We don't all view time the same way!  For some, being less than 5 minutes early = late.  For others, on time =  within 5 minutes of the appointed time.  And for others, an hour glass or calendar might be the best way to predict their arrival.  When we release the notion that others are necessarily going to adapt to or adopt our view of timeliness, and find productive ways to spend waiting time, our stress levels decrease.  And we'll be less harsh with ourselves when we fall victim to a traffic jam, unexpected client phone call or meeting that runs beyond the appointed time.

Respectful accommodation and sincere apologies are two sides of dealing with tardiness of others or ourselves.

Things We Can't Delegate

Delegation can  reduce stress and increase productivity.  However, there are a number of things that we can't delegate  - eat, sleep, exercise and relationships.

Flight Departs at 7:32

The airlines don't accept any excuses for a passenger arriving late for a flight.  They have a posted schedule and we all know that if we want to get to our destination on time, we must board before the doors close.  The rest of life doesn't seem to adhere to such punctuality.  I've ushered in church and admitted parishioners who arrived after the sermon ended.

What if we treated commitments with our family members, friends and colleagues with the same respect that we hold for airline reservations? 

The airlines don't allow us to be 5 minutes late, so we allow adequate time for weather, traffic and other contingencies. If we treated all important commitments with the same importance as we do flights, we'd reduce stress, increase credibility, improve productivity and reduce hurt feelings. 

Maybe I'll set my next committee meeting at 7:32 to stand out from the standard start times.

Summarize It

We're all busy and inundated with information from many sources.  I know I'm not the only one who gets countless attachments for meetings.  It's far easier for the sender to pass along information received rather than taking the time to highlight key points.  But, it's intimidating for the recipient to tackle 6 or more attachments.  Often, when the material looks like it's going to take a lot of time to process, the recipient sets it aside for later.  Unfortunately, later doesn't always come, and the shared information remains unread.

When I want action or buy-in, it's worked well for me to summarize the contents of documents in 1-2 pages to share with others, rather than hoping they find time to sort through myriad documents.  Though I offer to share the source documents, my recipients are generally grateful to simply hit the highlights.  This allows us to streamline prep time and devote meeting time to key issues.

For one project that I'm leading, I've scheduled weekly 30 minute meetings using this method.  As an incentive to committee members, once they've achieved 100% for their commitments, they can opt out of the weekly meetings.  With time as a precious commodity, 30 found minutes per week motivates quick action.

The time spent summarizing information, at the beginning, provides great time effectiveness and efficiency through the life of the project.

Just summarize it!

The Early Bird Gets the Time

A dear friend reminded me yesterday of another of the benefits of being early - the ability to redo.  She'd allocated extra time to arrive for a lunch gathering with friends.  The designated restaurant was one with a few Houston locations.  On auto-pilot, she navigated to a location closer to her, rather than the appointed spot.  Because she'd planned to be early, she arrived 15 minutes early to her first stop and only 5 minutes late (practically on-time) to the actual destination.  Had she been cutting it close, as many of us often do, she would have been terribly late for a gathering that had little margin for error.  This special visit was shoe-horned into a one-hour window between immovable appointments.

Whether it's time with family and friends or the chance to make a positive impression with clients or prospects, it's usually the early bird that gets the time.

Taming the Paper Tiger

I've discovered an easy way to eliminate several paper files and allow quick future access to the needed information.  Since all my appointments appear on my Outlook Calendar, when I return from meetings that have only a few follow-up items, I can summarize the information in the original appointment and recycle the paper handouts. 

Deadlines Drive Completion

There's nothing like a due date to motivate action.  Vague time frames for any project provide the opportunity for other time sensitive, or more exciting activities, to push the project without a deadline further and further into the future.  Structure is necessary to prioritize activities leading to completion.  It's easy to respect externally imposed deadlines.  Where many of us falter is setting our own expected deadlines for important projects that don't have outside accountability.  For anything we consider important, setting a deadline is critical.  When we know our expected completion date, it motivates us to activate a timeline. Deadlines keep days from turning into weeks, months or years without completion.  

Only 51 More Weeks

What's in a week? Each week represents nearly 2% of the year.  The first week of 2010 was fast-paced and productive.  What a great way to set the tone for the remaining 51 weeks of the year!

Calendars

We all have our methods of dealing with the never-ending demands on our time. I can't imagine trying to manage a calendar without an interactive online tool.

Scheduling not only actual external and internal business and personal appointments, but also allocating time to evaluate, prospect, plan, think, advise, exercise, relax and visit would make days more manageable, enjoyable and reflective of reality.  Everything that demands a 30-minute or more block of time deserves an appointment.

When we are committed to success, we juggle time. I manage all of my planned appointments incredibly well, so I need to more effectively utilize my calendar to reflect the balance of my commitments to make juggling life less stressful.

What Time Is It?

It's time to:
Act
Be
Create
Do
Empathize
Friend
Give
Hear
Inspire
Joke
Know
Love
Mentor
Nurture
Opine
Pray
Query
Remember
Sell
Thrive
Understand
Verify
Work
eXamine
Yearn
Zip

It's always the time to be inquisitive, thankful, helpful and engaged!

"No" is a Complete Sentence

So many of my very accomplished friends are stressed by requests to do one more important thing. One of my breakthrough moments is still very vibrant to me. I'd just pulled into my driveway and answered a cell call from a passionate volunteer friend asking me to join her Board of Directors. The friend was committed and the cause was important. When I conscientiously told her that I could not commit to one more activity, she graciously thanked me. The world did not end, the friendship remained intact and I felt a sense of relief. This was a beginning for me in many respects.

I learned that boundaries can be enforced without sacrificing friendships or priorities. I learned that effectively delivering a correct "no" serves everyone well. I learned that I could use this experience to coach others.

I have ongoing opportunities to remind overcommitted associates that "no" is a complete sentence.

Are you saying "no" when you should?

Time Budgets are Not Created Equally

I've become vividly aware that everyone does not have the same access to their allotted 24 hours per day.

To equal the playing field let's assume the following time budget:

8 Hours Working
8 Hours Sleeping

That leaves 8 presumable allocatable hours.

What's wrong with this picture?

Some have 30 minute or less door to door roundtrip commutes. Others travel an hour or much more each way.

Some spend 45 minutes getting ready for work each morning. Others spend 10 minutes.

Some have to shop for groceries, plan meals, stop for dinner or order take-out each day. Others have dinner waiting when they arrive from work.

Some have children to pick up from a provider, homework to review, games to play, baths to finish, stories to read, days to review together. Others have children who have become quite independent or don't have dependants.

Some have elderly parents, needy friends or differently abled children whose needs are never-ending. Others have self-sufficient circles of love.

Some are struggling to learn a job, keep a job or find a job. Others are thriving in the positions they hold.

Some are racing from work to complete a college course. Others don't have a professional development time budget.

Some hold as sacred 30 or more minutes of exercise. Others can never find time.

We don't all have the same access to each 24-hour day. Time budgets are not created equally. We can only deal as efficiently and effectively as possible with the hours we find to allocate.

My blogging time is up!

Dealing with Uncontrollables

What actions tend to rile you?

Child care gone awry
No-show guests
Appointment who arrives or stays late
Cat barf
Never-ending emails and voice mails
Bad attitudes
Line-breakers
Traffic
Uncommunicated expectations


I know you were expecting 10 items, so I stopped at nine – not to rile you, but to jar your expectations.

Much of what irritates us is unmet expectations. We all secretly want to live a fairy tale life, where people do the things we expect them to do. Reality check – Life Happens! While we are expecting our ideal outcome, a different outcome unfolds.

I am the eternal optimist! Life experience has taught me to be very flexible. You, too, need to actively engage in contingency planning. Flexibility is my #1 tip for dealing with uncontrollables.

When your primary child care is unavailable, no doubt, you have a contingency plan. That’s why I listed it first.

I deal weekly with no-show guests. As much as I’d like to believe that all who accept my gracious invitations will actually appear, life experience has taught me that regardless of my attempts to ensure those who say they will attend, a small % will not appear or ever give a reason for their absence. Since I’m a glass half-full person, I know that regardless of my frustration, I will be able to accommodate those whose plans changed at the last minute. The control freak in me would still love to be able to count on those who accept to actually arrive.

The best defense for a tardy or over-zealous guest is a great assistant. If you are not fortunate enough to have an assistant, plan ahead, and ask a coworker to notify you of your next appointment.

If anyone has a remedy for cat barf, I am all ears. My dear cats tend to have dyspepsia most often when I am most pressed to attend an early morning meeting. I need to practice my own advice – allot 10 extra minutes into your morning routine to account for cat barf, spilled milk, missing buttons and school permission slips.

Emails and voice mails are as prolific as blog authors. Allocate a defined amount of time to respond to each communication. Even unsolicited personal communications, except for unknown email addresses including only an attachment or obvious spam, generally deserve some response. We never know who will be friends, clients or referral sources.

I learned long ago that the only attitude that I can control is my own. I’m a glass (more) than half-full girl. This helps me deal with bad attitudes, line-breakers and bad traffic. We never know what issues another person is dealing with. A Methodist minister who delivered the baccalaureate address for my daughter’s high school graduation provided an anecdote that sticks with me. He described driving super slowly from his church to home in order not to spill overfull pans of lasagna. As a result of his story, when people do irritating things I try to imagine that their motives are admirable, rather than designed to make me crazy. After, all, people generally are focused on their own motivations. It is self-centered for us to think that other people are acting with us in mind.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate! None of us are true mind-readers. Many of our disappointments occur when we have not voiced our expectations to others.