What Animal Would You Be?

This week, I had a chance to participate in an icebreaker exercise, in a group of 13, where the facilitator asked for a topic.  I suggested, "if you were an animal what would you be?".  The option spontaneously occurred to me, and when the facilitator chose this query, the answers were revealing. The answers also opened additional conversations.

The answers included cats (domestic and large, wild), chameleon, eagle, blue bird, Big Foot, elephant and dog. Each respondent's reasons for their choices, added another dimension to the group dynamics.

Sometimes, an unexpected query can spur creative ways of thinking and learning.

Questions Connect

Questions connote interest, elicit information and give us the chance to discover commonalities when we pay attention to the answers given. 

Ask before Telling

We can get so caught up in sharing our knowledge and experience that we lose the chance to establish a real connection.  It is incredibly important to be prepared for a meeting.  However, we sometimes forget that appropriate preparation includes planning the questions to ask as well as the tell (information we will convey).

Ask the Next Question

Popular belief is that there's only 6 degrees of separation among us.  I've often said that in Houston, it's only three.  Yesterday, I was once again reminded of my many "everything's connected" Arkansas scenarios (my home state).  A dear friend invited me to fill a last minute vacancy at a nonprofit annual luncheon.  She knew it was a long shot, but asked anyway (I'm most appreciative!).  I was available and excited to accept. 

Before arriving I only knew one of the table hosts at table #20.   When I'm a guest at a table with open seating and when I'm the host, I opt for a seat with my back to the speaker, so that others have the best view.  I only knew my right seatmate.  My two immediate left seatmates were also delightful.  In conversation we discovered that their daughter is a senior at University of Arkansas (my undergraduate institution) and a Chi Omega (I didn't tell them that I was a former president).

My take-away is to always ask the next question.  Had we stopped the conversation at what we do and how we are affiliated with the organization, we would have missed the special opportunity to create a meaningful connection.

When we ask the next question, we often invoke the magic of the 3-6 degrees of separation.

Strategic and Organic Networking

We've been instructed from early ages of the importance of addressing who, what, when, where, why and how in conveying information. Strategic networking follows this same pattern.

Who do you want to know and who can make the connection?
What do you know that others want or need to know? What information do you seek from others?
Why should you and the other party engage?
Where and when are the best forums to meet those you want to meet?
How do you engage?

Organic networking is more fun and natural, but also effective, with opportunities when ever and where ever others are present.  Organic networking requires a natural interest in others and receptivity to engaging.

Many interesting people are shy, so be willing to make the first step and actively listen to the responses. Hi, I'm Pam.  Who are you? How are things in your world?  What exciting things are you doing?  How are you connected to this host/group/organization?

Do You Know?

Many of my "everything's connected" stories evolve when I take the chance to ask long-shot questions.  Most recently, I was seated next to a bright young man from London, who I discovered had recently graduated from Princeton.  When asked, he immediately acknowledged that he knew our niece, who graduated a year earlier than he did.  Bingo!

So often when I've asked the "do you know" question, I've only known one person with a similar affiliation, yet have often been delighted with an affirmative connection.

The more often we ask "do you know", the more frequently we'll discovered the unique ways we're connected.

Asking Great Questions

One of the best ways to engage interesting conversation is to ask open-ended questions.  So often we are asked yes or no questions, which have a 50% chance of leading to an answer the questioner is not hoping to hear.

Some engaging options include:

• How have you continued to excel?
• What are some of your best success tips?
• What exciting things are you doing?
• Tell me about your organization.

When we offer the opportunity for others to share their expertise and experience, we have a chance to connect and learn.

Why?

"Why? is the favorite question of young children.  They are information sponges. By continuously asking, they gain incredible knowledge.  When we're stuck, we need to once again become childlike, querying ourselves and all those around us.  Children are naturally continuous learners.  As adults, we need to regress to childhood curiosity in order to progress in our thinking, outlook, perspectives and possibilities.

How Are You?

Think for a moment about how many times per day we greet or are greeted in person or on the phone with some version of "How are you?".  The most typical response, when we pause long enough to acknowledge, is "Fine".  I've forced myself to pause recently, when I ask some version of the question, to listen to the other person's answer, instead of continuing with an automatic response.  A different response such as, "Terrific, Awesome, or Having a Wonderful Day" instantly jolts me into interacting versus automatically responding.  Perhaps we should consciously greet others with a less expected question to elicit additional positive interaction.

What Were You Thinking?

Every communication is impacted by the tone, setting, intent, context and timing.  I've thought a lot recently about the question, "What were you thinking?" 

When we ask a young child, as we pick them up from school, we might inquire about their impression of a new concept or subject matter.  It is an inquiring question with no judgment attached.  We sincerely want to know what they think about something they've not previously encountered.  The question is asked to seek their honest input. 

It is also a stupid question that I often pose to unhearing drivers of other vehicles who cut me off, drive slower than molasses, decide that all of the miles of notices that the lane is ending don't apply to them, or drive distractedly.

It's the question asked when a beloved child forgets his/her ingrained values.

And, just as when our children are young, it's also the inquisitive way of ascertaining what our colleagues are thinking when they propose a new offering.

So often, we assign limiting parameters to enlightening questions.  I hope that I will most often pose the question with the anticipation of gleaning information that is new to me, rather than judgmentally inquiring.

Why?

One of the most powerful questions we can ask is "Why?".  If we ask the question, then silently and non-judgmentally listen to the answer, we can learn ever so much.

Why did you:

• study...?
• move to...?
• start your particular business?
• contribute to...?
• recommend...?
• change your mind?
• like the ...?
• dislike the ...?
• make this decision?
• make ...?
• create ...?
• ...?