Well That's Fantastic!

One of my colleagues shared a hilarious story of his 85-year old mother's recent text.  When his son made a great tackle, the family immediately shared a photo with Nana, who was far away.  Nana's quick text response "WTF" alarmed the family, as they knew that this June Cleaver-like woman had no idea of the contemporary understanding of these three letters. 

He was eager to keep her from sharing this text messaging with anyone else before he could have a conversation to explain what was conveyed, and understand what was intended.  When asked what she meant, she excitedly said, "Well That's Fantastic!".

What we mean and what others interpret are often quite different.  Great communication requires checking for common understanding.

Balancing Work, Life and Stress

Sometimes we just need to schedule time to talk about how we can create our most effective blended work, family, community and individual lives. Today, three of my colleagues and I spent time pondering how best to balance work, life and stress, in anticipation of an event on Friday.

Some tips include:

• Focus on gratitude
• Protect time for self-care
• Set boundaries between work, family and other activities
• Create transition time during the commute to move from work/home to self to home/work
• Establish entry/exit routines to move from work/home and home/work
• Don't wait for big times - a glass of wine with your spouse after work is special
• Take time for daily devotional, exercise or other super start to the day
• Communicate clearly and compassionately 
• Agree to roles and responsibilities

Power of Silence

There are abundant wonderful resources for effective communications.  One that I haven't seen frequently mentioned is silence.  We are inundated with talk, text, email and can get antsy when we have unscheduled time.  Silence is powerful.  It allows us to think, react appropriately or refrain from reacting.  Silence also provides space for others to: take charge; offer opinions, advice or options; be acknowledged non-verbally (eye contact, smiles, hugs, etc.).

And most importantly, appropriate silence allows us to hear our own voice.

Facing Fear

For years, I'd said that the only way I'd get in the water in Port Mansfield was if I fell out of the boat.  Love prompts us to do things we don't think we can do.

Gar has been an accomplished traditional saltwater fisherman for many years.  Over the past year, he's developed impressive expertise and success in fly fishing, and convinced me to try his newest fishing passion.

We honored Edgar's birthday with our first trip back to our favorite Texas fishing destination since his death.  And we both had fishing firsts to celebrate - exciting catches and (for me, actually consciously) stepping into the water.

I was physically impacted by the prospect of facing my fear of stingrays, sharks and other unseen creatures.  I couldn't sleep and my digestive system was a wreck.  Gar might not have realized I was serious moments before stepping off the boat, when I asked if I should throw up over the side or in the water.

No stingrays, sharks or other feared creatures appeared.  However, by facing my fear, I joined my son in one of his passions, observed several species of birds up close and personal and got to see smaller crabs than I could have ever observed from the safety of the boat.

And because I'd faced my fear earlier, I was able to plop back into the water to help Gar photograph his huge fish caught on a fly he tied.

I realized that we often ask family members, friends and coworkers to join us in things that are second nature and exciting to us, but intimidating and disconcerting to them.

Things that are easy for us may well cause the angst that I experienced for others.  When we face fears, it's cause for celebration.  And, it's a cautionary note to be attentive to verbal and nonverbal clues that those in our sphere are fearful.

It's Not Just the Words

Consider the difference in each of these differently ordered phrases:

• Good Morning, God!
• Good God, it's morning...
• Good Morning, it's God.
• Good, it's morning, God.
• It's a good morning God!
• Morning God!  It is good!

It's not only the words we use, but how we combine them, our emphasis, intent and meaning.  Praise, disbelief, acceptance, moving forward, expectation and thanks are among the sentiments that can be expressed as we say these same words differently.

When it's important, we need to remember to make certain that the words we've used have been received as intended, rather than any number of other very different ways. 

Details Matter

Great marketers are skilled at getting us to remember what they emphasize.  Edgar and I had a lovely meal at a neighborhood restaurant this week.  They also have other locations, and were celebrating their 20th anniversary by distributing $ off coupons for the next visit.  Edgar remembered the 20 and thought that our coupon was $20 off of our next meal.  However, I remembered that they were celebrating their 20th anniversary with $10 off of our next meal.  Wish he'd been right!

This reinforced one of the gender communication differences from the session I facilitated earlier in the week. Though each individual is distinct, there are a number of females who are better at recalling details than male counterparts.

Though the details in this case did not matter, there are frequent interactions where details do make a big difference. When that's the case, it's important to communicate more than once or have more than one person study the details.

Diplomatically Sharing What Else You Know

When hired for a particular role, it can discouraging to make additional skills, abilities and experiences, beyond a current role known. Social media can be a great equalizer.  Effective users of social media, regardless of age or experience, can become known as subject matter experts, to those at all levels of their current or asprirational organizations.

Mentoring, sponsoring, volunteering, speaking, blogging, continuous learning and sharing are incremental ways to demonstrate additional aptitudes.

And, creating an independent agenda for 1:1 meetings with a manager allows the subordinate to adequately prepare to positively portray not only accomplishments, but also skills and abilities.

No is a Gift

An interesting discussion last night prompted me to provide another way of thinking about saying "no".  Life has taught me that "no" is distasteful to many.  I've coined and oft used the phrase, "I know a thousand nice ways to say no".

Though I had not thought about it as concretely as I shared last night, I do believe that the ability to deliver a deliberative "no" is a gift to the sender and the receiver.

Why?
A decision is helpful to set expectations and boundaries for those who are asking for time, talent or treasures.
A decision allows us to move on to other priorities, issues and requests with closure.

Great Communication

We rate communication on many variables including content, delivery, style, impact, credibility, importance, interest, timeliness and speaker.  These are all important elements and the mix will vary by situation.

I've had tremendous communications without words and challenging communications with well chosen words.   Regardless of the format, mechanism or venue, great communication occurs only when there is a connection between parties that allows each to be appreciated and understood.

What's A Lot?

This morning as I was running, a neighbor I don't know, was being walked by his dog.  That's not just the way it looked - his greeting confirmed the optics of the situation.  "Do you run a lot?", he asked.  "Yes",  I answered with a big smile,  "Great day for it!"  He smiled as he and his pet tried to navigate the path and offered, "I don't often walk the dog!"

Even as I answered, yes, (I run almost every day, but not a great distance) I wondered, "What's a lot?" In the case of his intended question and my proffered answer, a lot, meant frequency.  However, it could have just as easily meant distance.

Obviously this was merely friendly neighborly banter.  However, if the subject and response had been important, understanding what is a lot would have mattered.  So much miscommunication occurs due to imprecisely conveying what we mean.  When it matters we need to remember to check for understanding.

A Different Voice

Laryngitis is frustrating for anyone afflicted.  It's perhaps particularly stressful for those who:

• talk every day as a major part of our jobs (me)
• live with someone who has hearing issues (me)

Amazingly, I conducted a customer presentation on Thursday and conducted a scheduled United Way conference call, with unimpaired voice on Friday.  However, the next time I answered the phone, only a whisper escaped.  Fortunately, I was able to convey the desired information to my caller.

My voice had been threatened for 2 days.  It started with a sore throat and progressed to coughing through the night.  I feel blessed that my full voice was unimpaired for my presentations.  However, once my scheduled obligations ended, so did my volume.  My body sent a very silent message that I needed a break from the non-stop activity of my work week.

Whispers, touch and hand signals gave a different voice to the rest of my day.  Despite my lack of volume, I was able to successfully complete many interactions. 

Touch, eye contact and hand signals supplemented the audible voice I lacked.

Technology Desert

When we press send, we've been conditioned to expect that our email message has been delivered. 

I was reminded during a technology drought this weekend that there may be unforeseen circumstances that create delivery times of several days rather than several seconds.

This frustrating experience highlighted the importance of follow-up, follow-through and the need for multiple contact options for those with whom we want and need to communicate.

No Boiled Chicken

I'm a most appreciative beneficiary of Edgar's culinary talents.  Every woman I know is jealous that he is our household chef. 

Since I realize how very fortunate I am to have a talented husband preparing lovely meals, I'm hesitant to react negatively to a new menu option.  Today, however, was challenging, when I thought he told me that we were having boiled chicken for dinner.  My stomach knotted, but fortunately, my mouth closed.  Only after hearing this announcement a second time, did I question the evening's menu.

Thankfully, we're about to enjoy a lovely broiled chicken dinner.

This experience reinforced for me how miscommunications can derail business opportunities, relationships, simple instructions, introductions, learning and more. 

Data Dumps and Deficits

We are all so inundated with information that it's easy to feel that we're being buried by bytes.  With the abundance of available data we are often left with a usable information deficit. 

We all process information differently.  I often refer to myself as queen of cliff notes because I like to get quickly to the options and decision.  Others want to comb through every piece of information.  Analysis paralysis and firing before ready both have consequences.  Regardless of our decision making process and preference, we all benefit from an assessment of what the data means. 

Sharing summary information turns data dumps into data driven decisions.

Stuff that Causes Angst

One of my time-saving tips of emailing my notes from a presentation to myself backfired.  An awesome speaker had so much to share.  As is my practice, I captured her remarks in an email to myself.  I loved her presentation. Though her comments were memorable, when I tried to send the summary to my personal email, it was blocked.  Because I initially took her remarks in context, I then discovered that she'd used a four letter word for stuff starter (that also begins with s) and thought that was the problem. 

When I still got blocked I realized that she'd also used another donkeyish name at the end of her speech in place of "horse whisperer".

Colorful language creates a laugh.  As was the speaker's goal, she got my attention and I gleaned her take-aways. Until my overly sensitive company filter intervened, I took her remarks in the appropriate context intended.  However, I recognize that other listeners might be as sensitive as my email filter.

Though I only use the PG version of stuff starter and horse whisperer in my blog, this experience has caused me to remember that when we want to create a connection, we need to be especially cautious in communicating with those we don't know well.

Communications Strategies Every Leader Needs to Know

Dianna Booher captivated our audience at Comerica's recent Women's Business Initiative luncheon in Dallas as she energetically shared communications strategies we all need to know. It's clear that Dianna is a communication expert by examining just a few of her 45 book titles that collectively have sold almost 3 million copies in 16 languages in 23 countries.

The true measure of authoritative, persuasive and credible communications is in the results. What we say and intend is not always what a listener hears. Though most people would interpret a one in a million chance to mean "no way", it can be interpreted by the listener that there is still a chance.
In many communications, there is only a 50% chance that the conclusion intended was reached. Her tips for improving understanding include:

1. Specificity
2. Verification

We all need to be able to think on our feet and she offered a four-part process:

1. One sentence summary
2. Elaboration
3. Example
4. Restatement of the one sentence summary

Communications speed is a current measure of quality. In a Booher Consultants survey they discovered that 87% of respondents expect a response within 4 hours. The remaining 13% were even more impatient, expecting a response within 1 hour.

Dianna's presentation provided a vivid reminder that excellent communications skills can lead to extraordinary careers and relationships. 

Silent Treatment

Don't disengage your folks with the silent treatment.  When you ask an associate to represent the organization with media, community organizations or elected officials - support them when they do!

I once participated in a company sponsored media interview that appeared on the front page of the Sunday Houston Chronicle business section.  Though I received numerous positive mentions from friends,  associates, colleagues and my boss, others who should have weighed in were conspicuously absent.

I could easily have wall-papered the organization, sending the feedback from this company initiated interview to everyone who might need to know (or matter to my career), but I didn't.  This was probably a mistake, in a very hierarchical organization.

Sometimes doing the right thing unjustly invokes the silent treatment.

What Did You Hear?

This week I heard a disjointed presentation by a keynote luncheon speaker.  I didn't know my seat mates, but by reading a couple of expressions, thought I detected their disappointment at the quality of the presentation.  However, after the event an email string connecting some additional attendees who had exchanged cards, provided an enthusiastic assessment of the presentation by two of the attendees. 

This experience reminded me that what we hear and how we process the information can be vastly different than others who hear the same words.  Regardless of what is actually said, when common understanding is critical, we must take time to assess what others in the group actually heard.

Six More Words

Give! Smile!
Love! Smile!
Receive! Repeat!

When Nothing is Everything

Sometimes nothing means everything:

• nothing is wrong
• the lab test results were negative
• there were no findings of wrong-doing
• nothing is more important than you
• there were no wrong answers
• it was an accident - no one is to blame
• there's nothing left to do - it is finished
• it was all you! I had nothing to do with it
• it's gone! you are cancer free!
• it was nothing more than a misunderstanding
• it's perfect! there's nothing more to say
• it's nothing!  That's what friends do
• nothing will ever come between us
• nothing ventured... nothing gained
• it's nothing more than you would do