Remains of the Tray

My favorite gatherings are those where the slight remains of the trays are consumed in the kitchen, reminiscing about the lovely time enjoyed by all.  

Gratitude = Happiness

Though many variables are part of the equation: gratitude = happiness, when we factor them all out, it becomes factual.  When we focus on the long list of things for which we are grateful rather than the shorter list of things that cause us angst, happiness wins.

Don't Rain on Anyone Else's Parade!

Each of us finds fulfillment and enjoyment in different big and small ways.  And big and small are relative.  Things that I find exciting may be tremendously boring to others.  And things that bring great joy to others may be trivial to me.

However, we can make the world a happier place by eagerly interacting, actively listening and responding with empathy and interest to others.  We might even learn something in the process!

Happier at Home

Last week, I had the delightful privilege to sit next to Gretchen Rubin and to hear her share insights from her latest book, Happier at Home.  Some wonderful tidbits from her book and presentation include:

• Holiday breakfasts are a great way to celebrate minor holidays without a lot of effort.
• Look for ways to give and get support in relationships.
• Know yourself and be yourself.
• Resist happiness leeches.
• Outer order can contribute to inner calm.
• Control the stuff in life - assess if you need it/use it/love it.
• Get enough sleep and adequate exercise.
• Under react to minor problems.
• Create a threshold ritual. As you approach your entry remember how happy and grateful you are to be home.
• Practice nonrandom acts of kindness.
• Act the way you want to feel.

Happiness is a Choice

Everyone has problems, challenges and disappointments (PCD).  How we deal with them is a choice that permeates every facet of our lives.  If we all chose to focus primarily on PCD we would be perpetually unhappy, certainly pessimistic and eventually a relationship-wounder/killer. 

I'm not naive.  I have definitely deeply mourned untimely deaths, dealt with unfavorable diagnoses and overcome many other obstacles.  Nonetheless, I deeply believe that we can create our own happiness.  Regardless of our PCD, we can focus some of our thoughts on the people for whom we are grateful, the things that we enjoy, and the myriad freedoms and blessings that we, as Americans, often take for granted.

Happiness is the healthiest and best choice!  Depending upon our PCDs we may begin with moments of happiness, which can be extended to hours, days and years.

We must deal with our PCDs, but focusing on appreciation for all that is right in our lives, acknowledging the positive meaning and impact of others who are significant in our lives, and rejecting non-situational unhappiness allows us to snuff out an ongoing state of unhappiness. 

With practice, happiness will prevail!

Steps:
Choose Happiness
Acknowledge PCD
Choose Happiness
Repeat

40,000 Smile Check-up

For years, as I've left my long-time dentist's office, after our visit I've quipped that I'm good for another 100,000 miles.  Today, Dr. T retorted that I'm good for 100,000 smiles, which is far better than mere miles.  That intrigued me to do the math.

Readily available statistics revealed the following average smiles per day:

• babies - 400
• children - 200
• women - 62
• men - 8

My demeanor is cheerful and friendly, smiling often, when I'm with others and when I'm alone. Thus, if I'm just over a child's smile average, my six month check-up is actually a 40,000 smile
check-up.

What's your smile quotient?

119 Ways to Improve Your Life

There are countless ways to improve our lives.  I offer 119 suggestions and invite your terrific ideas.

1. Believe – In God, yourself, family, friends and colleagues
2. Embrace an attitude of gratitude
3. Do something nice for another with no expectation of reciprocity
4. Volunteer
5. Donate money or other usable resources
6. Read
7. Adopt a plant
8. Recommend a friend or colleague to others
9. Share your knowledge
10. Stay curious
11. Take one more step
12. Smile
13. Respond appropriately with yes or no
14. Anticipate
15. Make something
16. Send a card, letter or email to someone with whom you’ve lost touch
17. Share shortcuts
18. Recycle
19. Get enough sleep
20. Schedule the next appointment with a friend before you part company
21. Drink a lot of water
22. Improve listening skills
23. Be courteous
24. Graciously welcome others
25. Take a time out
26. Hold a baby
27. Pet a cat
28. Create a fresh floral arrangement with an unconventional container
29. Make your bed every day
30. Do someone else’s family chore without
31. Offer to help with a project
32. Sincerely compliment others
33. Look for positives
34. Become hyper-observant
35. Forward a helpful article
36. Subscribe to useful newsletters or blogs
37. Play
38. Dream
39. Hope
40. Plan
41. Consider alternatives
42. Be decisive
43. Set goals
44. Acknowledge accomplishments – yours and others
45. Give the coupon you can’t use to a stranger in the check-out line
46. Repurpose an item
47. Always put your wallet and keys in the same location
48. Automate payments
49. Bank online
50. Establish high expectations
51. See a play
52. Make a newcomer feel welcome
53. Recognize and reward excellence
54. Do what you say you will
55. Build a great reputation
56. Make others feel valued
57. Control your controllables and accept or work through or around the uncontrollables
58. Do what you love
59. Hug someone special
60. Be active
61. Find a place for everything
62. Distinguish between want and need
63. Be responsible
64. Schedule think time
65. Schedule preventive health appointments
66. Carpool to events
67. Make an introduction at an event
68. Compliment the host
69. Give a deserving speaker positive feedback
70. Recommend a book on LinkedIn
71. Catch a fish
72. Give a found good luck penny to someone
73. Create time-saving routines
74. Thank family members frequently
75. Mean it when you say “I Love You” and when you mean it say it frequently
76. Establish a pattern for staying connected to those you treasure
77. Use recurring appointments in your electronic calendar to remember special occasions
78. Take baby steps instead of avoiding things you have been avoiding
79. Break big projects into manageable pieces
80. Find a creative outlet
81. Alert a stranger when they are unaware that a strap or zipper or tag or tear needs attention
82. Laugh often
83. Confirm understanding
84. Streamline providers for frequently used items
85. Use paperless delivery options for statements and notices
86. Spell check
87. Reread aloud before sending important communications
88. Tell a friend or co-worker what they need to hear even if it’s not what they want to hear
89. Share good deals and sources
90. Stretch
91. Play to your strengths and partner with others whose strengths are your weaknesses
92. Be timely
93. Reduce clutter
94. Observe nature
95. Look for innovative solutions
96. Write something every day
97. Buy stamps online
98. Be an advocate
99. Ask for advice
100.  Be approachable
101.  Ask questions
102.  Bite your tongue or remove your fingers from the keyboard before responding inappropriately in anger
103.  Sincerely apologize when you are wrong
104.  Use an informative subject line in emails
105.  Speak slowly and distinctly when providing contact information
106.  Show enthusiasm
107.  Be supportive of family, friends and colleagues
108.  Help others
109.  Limit complaints
110.  Find an interesting way to do a mundane task
111.  Use a cross-hatch shredder to lessen identity theft risks
112.  Contribute to your company 401 (k) at least at a level to maximize the company match
113.  Forgive yourself and others
114.  Share a positive memory with the family of a deceased friend
115.  Nominate a deserving individual or organization for membership or recognition
116.  Establish a credible personal email address
117.  Use hyperlinks to minimize large attachments and blocked emails
118.  Don’t super-size fast food meals
119.   View riveting talks from remarkable individuals at http://www.ted.com/

What Happy Working Mothers Know

In What Happy Working Mothers Know by Cathy L. Greenberg and Barrett S. Avigdor, the authors show that happiness makes a positive difference in the lives of mothers, children, the workplace and in careers. Choosing a positive approach to life and embracing all that's possible is the starting point.  True happiness is not about instant gratification.  It is a state of being focused on an abundance versus scarcity mentality.

Though we all do things out of love for our children and our desire to help them succeed, the statistics reveal that the best thing we can do for them is to find our own happiness and peace and share that sense of calm and joy with them. 

According to Barbara L. Frederickson's research, when we experience three positive emotions for every one negative emotion, we become more creative and a better version of ourselves.

Knowing when and how to say no without feeling guilty increases life satisfaction and, therefore, happiness.

The happiest people are those who feel integrated - their work and personal lives are separate but connected by a common thread of values and priorities.  Happiness is within the grasp of each of us if we learn to love ourselves, appreciate the beauty of life around us, and use our strengths to make our mark on the world.

The elements of a happy working mother are:

H - Healthy physically and emotionally
A - Adaptive to changes in circumstances
P - Proud of her family just as they are
P - Proud of her work
Y - Young at heart

Learning from Boeing - What Makes Passengers Happy?

I had the opportunity to hear Ken Price, Director of Passenger Revenue at Boeing describe their fascinating approach - to make everyone happy, by making the passenger happy.  He described a passenger-centric, research-based approach to designing the 787 Dreamliner which is instructive regardless of our industry.

Though they could control only the actual plane design, Boeing wisely chose to focus on the total passenger experience, beginning with the trip to the terminal. He shared a one-frame editorial cartoon featuring cattle complaining about being treated like passengers.

They were determined to understand customer preference.  As a result, their design welcomes passengers to the airplane with an architectural archway.  Their use of LED lighting and bin space design enhance the interior space. The installation of large windows with electronic screens provide a view to all passengers regardless of seating or the window seat passenger's preference. They added lower cabin altitude, improved cabin humidity and temperature control.

But they didn't stop there.  They decided to positively influence things they can't control that impact the customer experience.  Though Boeing doesn't make seats, their research identified 8 critical criteria for seats.  They shared this research with seat manufacturers and ultimately added a seat catalogue to their manufacturing specifications.

And they were determined to positively impact the passenger's on-board experience.  Working with Disney, they created a course for airlines. Boeing attends the course with the airline and pays for half of the training cost.

Boeing determined that preference drives demand, which drives increased revenue, which drives happiness.

Marcus Buckingham's Focus on Strengths, Invigorating Moments and Happiness

I had an opportunity to hear Marcus Buckingham, a most engaging and entertaining speaker who has done considerable research on happiness. He has found that there are common traits among successful people regardless of superficial differences.

Positive answers to these five questions are indicators of happy people:

1. How often do things you really like to do?
2. How often do you feel positive before you start your day?
3. How often do you experience an emotional high in life?
4. How often do you get so involved that you lose track of time?
5. How often do you feel invigorated at the end of a long, busy day?

He believes that building on strengths and managing weaknesses is a strong life practice. We get different fulfillment when we focus on who are rather than what we are not. We are frightened by our weaknesses, but shouldn’t fixate on what is wrong. We should fixate on what is working. Ben Franklin said, “A wasted strength is like a sundial in the shade.”

Women now have more domains that ever in which to excel which leads to more stress and can lead to less happiness. Rather than juggling, he has found that happy women create a deliberate imbalance toward invigorating moments in each role. Happy women realize that moments matter. Being creative, celebratory and deliberate about moments that invigorate allows us to draw strength from life.

Everday as a Parent is Golden!

We get so caught up in our daily personal and business expectations that we sometimes forget to celebrate important family ocurrences that aren't major family celebrations. We intellectually accept the fact that our job as parents is to prepare our wonderful, precious children to be ethical, productive, and highly functioning members of society. Our heartstrings intrude, and we often fall victim to the reality that distance is the pits. My head knows that this is the best school for my precious angel, but my heart wishes that a perfect alternative existed far closer to home.

For those whose children are still in infancy or toddlers, cherish the moments! The days turn into weeks, months and years. I'm stunned by how quickly my angels have progressed from precious infants, to charming toddlers, to angelic lower schoolers, to questioning middle schoolers, to amazing upper schoolers and college students.

I've loved each stage and phase of my amazing children's incredible development! I've always hated to hear anyone say that they can't wait until their child "....". Those parents are missing magic moments everyday.

Thank you, Julia and Gar for bringing me incredible joy each and every day!

Sunny Days

We bring joy to others and increase our own happiness by:

S Smiling
U Understanding
N Noticing
S Simplifying
H Hearing
I Individualizing
N Nurturing
E Empathizing