Looking Forward

When grief takes center stage in life, it is hard to think beyond the moment.  However, it is healing and healthy to find future oriented things to anticipate.  So often, when asked what another can do for us, we don't have an answer.  One of the loveliest things that our extended family did, to alleviate the anxiety of our first altered Thanksgiving, was to create a totally different venue.

It is helpful to have others engage us in interesting experiences beyond the walls of our "one day at a time" existence.

Permission

Perhaps the start of school, and the memory of years of permission slips, made me realize that we all need them.  Fortunately, we don't need to officially document and return paper forms.  However, we all need to give ourselves permission to:

• enjoy every day
• take care of our own needs, before or on parity, with the needs of others
• laugh a lot
• exert influence, power and impact wherever we are
• be successful where we are, not where we strive to be
• pursue our passions
• ask for help or advice
• make small, inconsequential mistakes or omissions
• do nothing for a day
• be rather than do

Care is Care

It's easy for most of us to care for others.  In fact it's often a part of our DNA.  The concept of self-care isn't as readily embraced.  However, care for an individual is meaningful whether the individual is another or ourselves.  When individuals are adequately cared for by another or self (hopefully both) the best emerges!

Care is Care!  And Care is essential! When we are acknowledging, addressing and responding to our own needs and wants we become our best selves.   Self-care is far from selfish -  it equips us to offer more care for others

It Could Happen to Anyone

Edgar has joined the Way Station ministry at our church, Palmer Memorial Episcopal, serving a hot breakfast to hundreds of hungry Houstonians each Friday.  He always comes home so moved by the experience.  Friday was more emotional than ever, as he greeted a well-educated colleague in the line.  The impact of job loss became far more than a statistic when this former classmate shared his story. 

It makes me realize just how very fortunate I am to have a great job that I love. 

Feeling Useful

I've discovered that one of the most important ways to remain vibrant is to continue to feel useful.  My precious 90 year old neighbor takes care of her next door neighbor's cats when she is away.  Regardless of the situation, when we are able to provide wanted and needed services, advice or resources to someone we care about, we both win.  Though we are frequently hesitant to ask for help, asking often provides as much benefit to the provider as to the beneficiary.

Social Media Pet Peeve

I've never asked for a recommendation on LinkedIn, but have happily recommended many deserving colleagues. Some, I have proactively recommended, and many, many others have unilaterally solicited recommendations. Some of those soliciting recommendations have reciprocated with lovely recommendations and sincere thanks for the acknowledgement. Many others have happily posted their recommendations without ever even acknowledging that I've responded to their request and posted nice things for the online world to see.

Our time is a precious commodity. The least that an "online recommendation solicitor" should do is thank the person who takes time to provide a recommendation. Better yet, though they can't pay it forward with this advocate, they can post a recommendation for their recommender and then post some "pay it forward" recommendations for other deserving colleagues.

Network it Forward

Our lives improve dramatically when we commit to helping others!

When we encounter each new person as a "friend unmet" we open the door to a fascinating circle of stories, experiences and opportunities.

We all know people who approach the world with an attitude that screams, "what can you do for me?" Their arrogance and self-centeredness are most off-putting. It's easy, however, to recognize and embrace their lovely counterparts, who are eager and willing to offer advice, introductions, referrals and assistance. These ever helpful individuals tend to be magnets for success. People are most eager to reciprocate kindnesses.

An unexpected note of thanks or congratulations provides simple and effective encouragement. So does providing unsolicited recommendations for deserving friends and colleagues on LinkedIn.

When we do nice things for others without any expectations of reciprocity, we are often pleasantly surprised by the positive ripple impacts. I've been fascinated by chains of customers "paying it forward" at coffee shops. When I googled "pay it forward coffee", 153,000 hits were found. What a vivid example of anonymous small acts of kindness making the world more friendly and connected.