Why Didn't You Respond?

It's hard not to take it personally, when we don't get the hoped for reaction from others.  There may be multiple terrific reasons that aren't even remotely related to us, including:

• Talking on the phone with a hands-free device that isn't obvious
• Didn't see us
• Didn't hear us
• Totally absorbed in something
• Forgot
• Didn't actually receive the message
• Language or customs difference

When we feel confident, it's easier to accept that we may simply need to try again to reach our intended party. 

Be Kind to Yourself

Many of us are quite accomplished at showing great kindness and compassion to others.  We're not always as apt to respond to our own needs.  The Bible, in Mark 12:31, tells us "Love your neighbor as yourself." The challenge is two-fold:  we must be lovable and loving.

Care is Care

It's easy for most of us to care for others.  In fact it's often a part of our DNA.  The concept of self-care isn't as readily embraced.  However, care for an individual is meaningful whether the individual is another or ourselves.  When individuals are adequately cared for by another or self (hopefully both) the best emerges!

Care is Care!  And Care is essential! When we are acknowledging, addressing and responding to our own needs and wants we become our best selves.   Self-care is far from selfish -  it equips us to offer more care for others

Great at 8!

My 8 year old friend inspired me yesterday!  His assertion is that he is 99% angel and 1% devil, but when he is older (11) he will be 100% angel.  My very bright young friend, with controlled ADHD, has made enormous progress in impulse control and self awareness.  He has much deserved pride in his accomplishments, and wonderfully high expectations for his future.

Think about how much more we could all achieve, if we likewise, appreciated our accomplishments and held ourselves to extraordinarily high goals!

Self Talk Radio

Our remarkable brains provide the capacity for continuous self-talk (my talk radio).  We do ourselves a disservice when we choose:
Negative 101
Doubting 201
Redo 301
B-team 401
Can't Do 501
Lacking 601
If Only 701
Not My Fault 801
Victim 901

We win big when our station is tuned to one of the following:
I Can 102
Positive 202
Best Shot 302
Winner 402
Done! 502
Enough 602
Going for It 702
It Won't Happen Again 802
Leader 902

The conversations in our heads are just that - conversations.  We owe it to ourselves to be our own best cheerleaders and change the channel when our self-talk isn't encouraging. 

If Ego Was Measured in Height

A colleague was recently describing a business associate.  His unflattering assessment of this man was that if ego was measured in height, he'd be 100 feet tall.  Though I don't know the individual who was described, I've known others for whom this is a very fitting descriptor.  How unfortunate that anyone would let their redeeming qualities and measurable skills be overshadowed by such a disproportional and inaccurate self-assessment.  This is a reminder that how we present ourselves makes a tremendous impact on how well we are perceived, received and accepted by others.  Ego is one scale where average is celebrated.

Interpersonal Skills Make or Break

Regardless of how self-aware and conscious of others we are, we can easily fall into the trap of tagging interpersonal skills as "if I can do this, so can everyone else".  This logic would never apply to technical skills, yet we are remiss in not actively promoting the crucial importance of superb interpersonal skills as a key differentiating factor for hiring, buying and advancement.

Time to Seek an Expert

I am privileged to drive a wonderful automobile and have maintained it perfectly.  Recently the car stopped at a stoplight and it took several moments to restart it.  It ran perfectly, with no diagnostic message of a problem, so I assumed all was well and this was just a fluke.  Several days later, it happened again, and the "check engine" warning lit.  It was too late to call my service advisor that evening. When I started the car the next day, the diagnostics were all clear.  Whew!  I didn't really have time to deal with the problem that day.  My trip went well, but soon after I exited the airport parking garage my third incident occurred.  Yes, it was time to seek an expert.  The experts discovered that a sensor had failed and had to be replaced.

We often try to self-diagnose health, relationship or work issues. A significant dose of self diagnostics is laudable, instructive and productive.  But, when we keep getting warning signs that we can't eliminate, it's time to seek an expert.

Self Awareness

Wouldn't it be great if we could observe ourselves as others see us?  We are often unaware of things that we routinely do that negatively impact our image including:

• Failing to make eye contact
• Fidgeting
• Slumping
• Frowning
• Sighing
• Talking too much
• Allowing technology to interrupt live conversations
• Closed body language

These tendencies are easy to address when we become aware that they are barriers to achieving our highest effectiveness.

Oops! Did I Say That?

There's nothing like having a young child to make you vividly aware of what you say.  I'll admit that I have a tendency to communicate with and comment about other drivers when I'm behind the wheel.  My communications are generally gestures to allow them to enter my lane, ask them if I may enter theirs or thank them for allowing me to move to their lane  My comments, which they never hear, are not always as friendly, generally questioning their motive or intellect, when they've cut me off or nearly caused an accident.  I was not conscious of my venting comments until I heard them repeated from Julia's car seat behind me, "Idiot! Jerk!" 

We don't always have a feedback mechanism that's as direct as Julia provided me, so we need to be self-aware of the messages we are conveying.  Positive, supportive, helpful, instructive, motivating and empathetic are the patterns I choose to find in my communications.  Julia's backseat color commentary from so many years ago provides my reminder that others are listening.