It's Not Just the Words

Consider the difference in each of these differently ordered phrases:

• Good Morning, God!
• Good God, it's morning...
• Good Morning, it's God.
• Good, it's morning, God.
• It's a good morning God!
• Morning God!  It is good!

It's not only the words we use, but how we combine them, our emphasis, intent and meaning.  Praise, disbelief, acceptance, moving forward, expectation and thanks are among the sentiments that can be expressed as we say these same words differently.

When it's important, we need to remember to make certain that the words we've used have been received as intended, rather than any number of other very different ways. 

What's A Lot?

This morning as I was running, a neighbor I don't know, was being walked by his dog.  That's not just the way it looked - his greeting confirmed the optics of the situation.  "Do you run a lot?", he asked.  "Yes",  I answered with a big smile,  "Great day for it!"  He smiled as he and his pet tried to navigate the path and offered, "I don't often walk the dog!"

Even as I answered, yes, (I run almost every day, but not a great distance) I wondered, "What's a lot?" In the case of his intended question and my proffered answer, a lot, meant frequency.  However, it could have just as easily meant distance.

Obviously this was merely friendly neighborly banter.  However, if the subject and response had been important, understanding what is a lot would have mattered.  So much miscommunication occurs due to imprecisely conveying what we mean.  When it matters we need to remember to check for understanding.

No Boiled Chicken

I'm a most appreciative beneficiary of Edgar's culinary talents.  Every woman I know is jealous that he is our household chef. 

Since I realize how very fortunate I am to have a talented husband preparing lovely meals, I'm hesitant to react negatively to a new menu option.  Today, however, was challenging, when I thought he told me that we were having boiled chicken for dinner.  My stomach knotted, but fortunately, my mouth closed.  Only after hearing this announcement a second time, did I question the evening's menu.

Thankfully, we're about to enjoy a lovely broiled chicken dinner.

This experience reinforced for me how miscommunications can derail business opportunities, relationships, simple instructions, introductions, learning and more. 

How Many Hours?

I was once again reminded that what we think we are clearly communicating may not be what another is actually hearing.  A Texan and New Yorker were talking about a planned utility company power outage that would impact a local hotel where I was hosting an event for 300.  The Texan heard that the hotel could be without power for 48 hours and immediately shared the news that our event might be in jeopardy.  The New Yorker had actually said that it would be 4 to 8 hours.  I was quickly able to clarify the time frame with the hotel and reassure my colleagues.  Fortunately, the outage was less than the planned maximun of 8 hours, with no impact to my event.

What if the misunderstanding had been about medical treatment?  Health impact could be severe if a patient or care giver heard instructions to seek medical attention if symptoms worsened in 48 hours, but the doctor had actually said to act quickly in 4 to 8 hours.  

When understanding details is important it is a good practice to repeat what we think we have heard. 

What Did You Say?

What we hear isn't always what the other person said.  One of my favorite such stories is of the grandmother who discovered plastic army men in her coffee cup.  When she questioned her young grandson, he was quick to lovingly respond, "Because the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup". 

Miscommunication occurs frequently due to use of unfamiliar terms, making assumptions and not hearing what was said.  When the message is critical it is important for both parties to check for understanding.  When we fail to verify, we may even hear the exact opposite of the message that was intended, as happened years ago.  When my brother, Steve, got a horse, I hopped on behind him. We were enjoying this new experience until the horse spotted the barn and began to race toward his food.  I was frantically yelling, "Whoa!!!!" and Steve in frustration yelled, "Why are you telling him to go?"

It Broke!

My dear husband and I had miscommunication of nuclear proportion last evening.  He was busily preparing his world's greatest white chocolate mousse for a luncheon I'm hosting today.  As I was drying the crystal bowls to receive this delicacy, I heard him frantically screaming, "It Broke!".  Assessing the situation from my non-chef view, I automatically assumed that he was referring to the KitchenAid Mix Master.  As he was leaving the room in an enormous huff,  he spotted me pulling out our trusty electric hand mixer to try to salvage his creation in progress.  He was screaming, " What the heck are you doing?!!!... IT BROKE!!! this stuff happens... You can't fix it..."!

As he stormed out of the house, I tried quite unsuccessfully to resurrect the concoction.  Only then did I realize that we had completely different meanings for "broke".  He was referring to the mixture of eggs, cream, sugar and chocolate that "broke" in the 100% humidity.  My unfamiliarity with this cooking term led me to believe that we'd had a mechanical malfunction with a "broken" mixer.  Because we both had our own understanding of "broke", we each thought the other was crazy.   Only when he reappeared from our 24x7 Kroger, with new ingredients, could we reconcile our foreign language interchange - chef language versus mortal speak. When we compared notes in English, we laughed heartily about our miscommunication and made up immediately.