Help! My Networking is Not Working!

Here are highlights from my presentation for our Sterling Bank Women’s Business Initiative luncheon in San Antonio this week:

When we find that our networking is not working it’s almost always because we’re not working for our network!  When we work for our network, our network will be effective. We need to create long-term mutually supportive relationships.

We must give before we can expect to get.

We learned the fundamentals of networking in kindergarten:

“Make new friends and keep the old

Some are silver and others are gold.”

Effective networking is a game where everyone wins.  Though our gamesmanship improves from kindergarten through our lives, we learn from each game we play.

Four childhood and one adult game provide networking dos and don’ts:

1. Tag – It’s quick and brief with no meaningful interaction, but at least we’re in the game. Engagement is necessary.
2. Barrel of monkeys – Networking is fun! The links can become sizable, but they are quite fragile.  Bigger is just bigger, not necessarily stronger.
3. Twister - Interconnecting with others reminds us that networking is not an event, but the sum of all of our relationship building activities.
4. Lego – Building a solid foundation allows us to create a mutually supportive network. When we integrate all of the relationships in our lives we netconnect.
5. 21 - My Way (see my 12/2 blog) – Changed rules create unlimited winners.

The common theme of these games is that we increase the number of winners when we don’t keep score.  Before moving from kindergarten analogies, it’s helpful to remember that networking is a long-term process.  It’s like the 5-year old who asks in January how long it is until Christmas. She and we are encouraged to keep believing and be good.

And if we spell NETWORKING as a kindergartner might, we get NETWERKING.  Dissecting this word reveals a fun way to remember the mutuality of networking:

Net We R King (done right, we all win).

There are many ways to maintain, strengthen and grow our relationships including:

• Events
• Face-to-face one on one or small group meetings
• Phone
• Email
• Notes - Send thank you notes, recognition of accomplishments, congratulatory, sympathy
• Recommend books
• Offer time-savers – sending yourself an email with notes from a presentation eliminates the need to transcribe
• Teach someone else what you know
• Recurring appointments in outlook
• Compliment someone in front of others
• Speak
• Write
• Nominate
• Volunteer – active involvement – board development committee
• Recommend
• Ask for advice
• LinkedIn – easy way to follow-up with those you met during the day – Personalize your messages rather than using the standard ones provided.
• Blog
• Share great finds – sales, sites, courses, resources, restaurants, service providers
• When introducing others capture something meaningful about each party

Here’s my big girl expanded version of the friendship poem:

“Make new friends and keep the old

Some are silver and others are gold

Add new people to the fold

But don’t let relationships grow cold

Share the stories to be told

Let your listening be bold

Share advice when you’re polled

But be wary not to scold

We like to buy – not be sold

So put your sales pitch on hold.

Break the networking mold

Netconnect with young and old”

Speak Like a CEO by Suzanne Bates

I read Speak Like a CEO by Suzanne Bates and wanted to share some of her excellent advice.

Bates Communications received 293 responses to a 2004 survey on ten dimensions of leadership.  The leadership value system articulated by the respondents included:

1. Honesty/Integrity in business and personal interactions.
2. Vision – have it, articulate it and inspire action.
3. Listening – approachable, open to suggestions, and flexible
4. Giving feedback – give credit publicly for jobs well done; regular constructive feedback, not once a year.
5. Emotional intelligence – communicate empathy and compassion, treat people well, and relate to them on a human level. Have a positive attitude, remain calm under pressure and demonstrate passion and commitment for the work.  Show appreciation for those who make things happen.
6. Clarity
7. Knowledge and Intelligence – smart in every sense of the word.
8. Managerial skills – delegate and allocate resources for greatest effectiveness and efficiency.
9. Follow-through
10. Humility – willing to seek information, ask for advice, take appropriate risks and admit mistakes.

Eight secrets for speaking well:

1. Talk about big ideas (Gettysburg address, Kennedy’s vision for going to the moon)
2. Speak in the moment (face questions head on)
3. Keep it Simple (explain the steps)
4. Be a Straight Shooter
5. Be an Optimist
6. Focus on the Future (In difficult times, we look to leaders for hope.)
7. Be Real
8. Stand for Something

Microphones

Microphones motivate some and intimidate others.  Fear of public speaking ranks high on any compiled list of top fears. Many, however, are energized by the chance to address an audience of any size. I had the "opportunity" recently to reign in many of my colleagues who loved the chance to address our officer group, and wanted more time than allocated to share their views. 

What's the best way to overcome fear, and as with my colleagues, make the microphone your friend? Just do it.  Start with a small, known group, presenting subject matter that you know well.  If you've ever given a report in a staff meeting or taught a Sunday school class, you actually have public speaking experience.  These experiences aren't intimidating because the settings, audience members and material are familiar. 

As the settings and audiences grow, one thing doesn't change - you are still the subject matter expert. If you aren't familiar with the venue, visiting prior to your speaking engagement will help develop comfort with this element.  If you ask, the meeting host will often be willing to share a list of registered guests.  Knowing that you have friends in the audience, or discovering that everyone attending is an unmet friend, can help you develop your eye contact strategy. 

Once you've addressed the audience, subject and setting - prepare your remarks.  Paring content can be one of the most important exercises.  You don't want to tell them everything you know - you want to share significant, interesting aspects of your subject, with keen attention to the time allocated.  You can be a prince or princess for finishing a couple of minutes early, and quickly become a toad if you overstay your time.

Finally, determine what you'll wear.  Think of this as a sales call.  You want to be appropriately attired for the audience you are addressing.

Say What?

Years ago, a friend asked me to be his guest at a luncheon.  When I arrived I was delighted to find that we were seated at the reserved sponsor table.  We were having great conversation at the table as we enjoyed lunch.  My friend quietly asked me when I wanted to speak.  AHA, I was not just his guest, I was the guest speaker.  This fact was known to everyone in the room except me.  Rather than embarrass my friend or create any commotion, I quietly asked how long my remarks were supposed to be.  I had approximately 5 minutes, with conversation flowing around me, to consider how I'd address this 15-20 minute extemporaneous speech for 120 or more guests.

Another group, a few years later, asked me to talk about "keys to success".  As I was, at this time in my career, generally asked to address economic development and the Houston economy, I spent a good bit of time preparing for this alternate topic.  My host greeted me and provided the printed luncheon program that clearly indicated that I'd be speaking about Houston's economy.  Once again, I needed to make a quick decision about what message to convey.  So, I changed from the presentation I'd prepared to the one the group was prepared to hear.

Though these are extreme examples, when we can adapt to what our audience of one or many expects, we are far more successful than when we stick to a message that may not resonate with our listeners.

Just Start Talking

Earlier this year, I had a conflict that precluded me from delivering brief remarks at a charity luncheon. It's an annual event that I enjoy and I always welcome the chance to congratulate the honorees. I assumed that any of my colleagues attending would be equally excited about the opportunity. Not so! Fear of public speaking is widespread. I was shocked when the first colleague whom I asked refused, saying that he doesn't speak publicly. Another colleague reluctantly agreed when I promised that the remarks were very short and that I'd share what I had intended to say. After the event, he called to thank me. He'd enjoyed the opportunity and had overcome his initial fear of public speaking.

Everyone has expertise, unique experiences or fascinating stories to share. When you are prepared, sharing these in a public setting provides the opportunity to positively differentiate yourself.