Facing Fear

For years, I'd said that the only way I'd get in the water in Port Mansfield was if I fell out of the boat.  Love prompts us to do things we don't think we can do.

Gar has been an accomplished traditional saltwater fisherman for many years.  Over the past year, he's developed impressive expertise and success in fly fishing, and convinced me to try his newest fishing passion.

We honored Edgar's birthday with our first trip back to our favorite Texas fishing destination since his death.  And we both had fishing firsts to celebrate - exciting catches and (for me, actually consciously) stepping into the water.

I was physically impacted by the prospect of facing my fear of stingrays, sharks and other unseen creatures.  I couldn't sleep and my digestive system was a wreck.  Gar might not have realized I was serious moments before stepping off the boat, when I asked if I should throw up over the side or in the water.

No stingrays, sharks or other feared creatures appeared.  However, by facing my fear, I joined my son in one of his passions, observed several species of birds up close and personal and got to see smaller crabs than I could have ever observed from the safety of the boat.

And because I'd faced my fear earlier, I was able to plop back into the water to help Gar photograph his huge fish caught on a fly he tied.

I realized that we often ask family members, friends and coworkers to join us in things that are second nature and exciting to us, but intimidating and disconcerting to them.

Things that are easy for us may well cause the angst that I experienced for others.  When we face fears, it's cause for celebration.  And, it's a cautionary note to be attentive to verbal and nonverbal clues that those in our sphere are fearful.

Better than Expected

With all of the running apps now available, I feared comparing my old trusty app with one of the newer, well-touted GPS-based programs.  Determined to meet my amended annual running goal, my concern was that I'd been overestimating my distance, and would fall impossibly short of the goal, if recalculation was necessary.  I decided to face my fear this morning and tracked my jog using both the old and new programs. What a surprise and relief to learn that my old device was registering less distance than the new app!

Sometimes facing our fears yields far better outcomes than expected.   And, we end the worry of not knowing what we'll find.

Dealing with Fear - the Land Shark Didn't Bite Me

Most of us have something that puts us out of our comfort zone.  Big dogs have always created anxiety for me.  So when I was on my morning run and encountered an exuberant, unleashed Doberman bounding from his/her front door my heart raced.  Though her/his owners were steps behind their escapee, assuring me that he/she was friendly, I wasn't so sure that she/he would be so friendly to an intimidated stranger.

I stopped, raised my hands in a surrender position, and waited for the owners to leash their pet.

As I encountered a walker friend, who was half a block ahead, and had heard the barking, I told him what had happened.  He had assumed that he'd interested a leashed dog as he passed - a reasonable assumption, as this was only the second escapee I'd ever encountered.

I stopped, showed my lack of ability to handle the situation on my own and waited for competent reinforcements.  This action plan has the potential to productively address countless fears lurking in our lives.

Overcoming Fear

Martha Beck's keynote today put fear into perspective for me:

• First world fears and third world fears are vastly different.  Comparatively, many of our fears are superficial versus theirs which are survival oriented.
• Some of the things we fear, when addressed, become the biggest catalysts for our success
• Successfully addressing incremental stress builds strength

Regardless of the nature of our fears, they are real to us.  However, putting them into broader perspective often helps to deal with them more rationally and less emotionally. 

Fear

Fear can be immobilizing or invigorating.  When we fail to take action because of the outcomes we dread, it is immobilizing.  When we face the things we fear, we most often realize they are not as ominous as we'd expected. When we plow through and conquer our fears, it's invigorating.

FEAR

FEAR - Fantasies Emerging as Real

Often it is only in retrospect that we can determine that our fears were without merit.  We know that things are okay when we realize:

• We weren't ridiculed for our attire or costume
• There were no monsters under the bed
• Missing a couple of answers on a test did not equate to failing
• There were people to visit with at the event
• Our idea was accepted for review or implementation
• We weren't the only ones who had an early curfew
• Other parents also called to check on the party logistics
• We were far more disappointed in our results than our parents indicated that they were
• The customer didn't leave though we had a problem
• The clean bone break healed perfectly
• Everyone showed up and had a fabulous time
• The meal was spectacular
• We won
• The doctor said, "all is okay!"
• The job is yours
• The baby is healthy
• You've been selected for ...
• Others felt/reacted the same way
• The offer/deadline has been extended
• ... is safe
• You're covered
• You were right
• Things couldn't have been better
• The outlook is improving

What Are You Afraid Of?

Are you afraid of:
Succeeding
Failing
Dark
Daylight
Weight Gain
Weight Loss
Asking
Answering
Monster Customers
Ghost Customers
Being
Doing
Known
Unknown

Once we realize that we are in control, many of our fears disappear.

Just Start Talking

Earlier this year, I had a conflict that precluded me from delivering brief remarks at a charity luncheon. It's an annual event that I enjoy and I always welcome the chance to congratulate the honorees. I assumed that any of my colleagues attending would be equally excited about the opportunity. Not so! Fear of public speaking is widespread. I was shocked when the first colleague whom I asked refused, saying that he doesn't speak publicly. Another colleague reluctantly agreed when I promised that the remarks were very short and that I'd share what I had intended to say. After the event, he called to thank me. He'd enjoyed the opportunity and had overcome his initial fear of public speaking.

Everyone has expertise, unique experiences or fascinating stories to share. When you are prepared, sharing these in a public setting provides the opportunity to positively differentiate yourself.

Exhilaration

It's amazing that a few seconds can change terror to exhilaration.

Professionals always make tasks look simple. Watching the instructors rappel from the cliff was no exception.

At the top of the cliff we were asked who would be #1. An experienced team member volunteered. After a second experienced colleague said that she'd be #2, we'd reached a position I felt okay claiming, #3. The self assignment of order continued. I was feeling a bit less nervous as I thought "after I see Bill and Nancy do this it won't be so intimidating." Surprise! Numbers 1 and 2 were holding the lines. Number 3 was the first to rappel. Either of my brave, experienced friends would have traded positions with me, but I kept my commitment to be the first off the cliff.

I still remember the fear I felt as I stood facing my colleagues and took that big step backward into the unknown. Seconds later, everyone in our entire group stopped what they were doing as my exhuberant yelp of glee pierced the air. Though I recall the fear, I much more clearly remember the exhilaration. Had I not overcome my fear, I wouldn't have the more meaningful, motivating experience and memory.

Doing different things and simply doing things differently may bring temporary discomfort. But you may be one step closer to exhilarating success.