Dealing with the Stress of Running Late

We don't all view time the same way!  For some, being less than 5 minutes early = late.  For others, on time =  within 5 minutes of the appointed time.  And for others, an hour glass or calendar might be the best way to predict their arrival.  When we release the notion that others are necessarily going to adapt to or adopt our view of timeliness, and find productive ways to spend waiting time, our stress levels decrease.  And we'll be less harsh with ourselves when we fall victim to a traffic jam, unexpected client phone call or meeting that runs beyond the appointed time.

Respectful accommodation and sincere apologies are two sides of dealing with tardiness of others or ourselves.

Intentional v. Unintentional

Things don't always happen as we'd hope.  Often it is unintentional neglect, oversight or ignorance of the situation that causes angst or hurt feelings.  When appropriately addressed, we can forgive and move on.  However, many damaged relationships occur because we think (or know) that the slights were intentional. 

Regardless of our assessment of how intentional or unintentional the action or inaction may be, we owe it to ourselves to assess the importance of the real or perceived unmet expectation. 

Valued relationships deserve fair assessments, the benefit of the doubt and second chances.

We all make many unintentional, and often unconscious, mistakes. 

Often, we need to accept heartfelt apologies intentionally and excuse unintentional slights as anomalies.

Accusations

When we're mad we sometimes accuse the target of our anger of things that they may or may not be guilty of.  In our rational moments we owe it to ourselves and to those we care about to accurately assess where blame for our anger should lie.  And, of course, apologize as circumstances indicate.

You Did What?

I have had a Citi card since 1990, which I use extensively for business and personal expenses.  A $10 purchase was recently declined, even though I had significant available credit on the card.  Because I've been a customer for so long, my immediate assumption was that the card had been compromised, causing a fraud alert on the account.  I assumed that they were trying to protect Citi and me.

However, when I reached Citi customer service, I was notified that my entire account was frozen because of a large payment that I had made.  The payment was early, was for the entire statement balance (which is my standard way to manage the account), and had already cleared my bank.  They assumed that because of the size of the payment there might be a problem. Though I've been a customer for over 20 years, they made no attempt to contact me to inquire about the payment or to notify me that I had no access to my credit.  The customer service representative understood why I was upset, but indicated that this sometimes happens with large payments. When I asked to speak to a Citi manager, she agreed to free the available credit in excess of the recent payment, and indicated that it could be 14 days before the hold was released.  Only when I called Citi back, with my bank's customer service number and insisted that I be added into the conversation to verify that the payment had cleared my bank, was my access restored. 

I realize that mistakes can happen, but the series of mistakes is mind-boggling.  Had they immediately indicated that they had made a mistake, I wouldn't be writing about this.  Like many, I'm quick to forgive when a sincere apology is made.