You Don't See What I See

We all see things a bit differently due in part to:

• actual exam results based upon 20/20
• attentiveness
• frame of reference
• distractions
• familiarity with setting
• experience
• what we are looking for
• selective perception
• feedback from others
• what else is going on in our lives
• distractions
• preferences
• interest
• timing

So, when it is important to have others see things our way, we might consider different ways of presenting our vision.

Top and Bottom Performers May Look Alike

We just saw and immensely enjoyed a movie that our local film critic had rated 1 on a 5 star scale.  We found the entertainment value to be close to 5 stars.  If you average our ratings you get 3 stars.  This is a prime example of how meaningless average ratings can be when there are only two raters, and the absolute ratings are at the top and bottom of the scale.

It would be far more meaningful to know that two raters gave absolutely different assessments, and understand why.

Do You Hear and See What I Do?

My eyes have begun to play tricks on me.  Having been the poster child for contacts since 7th grade, it has been frustrating to realize that I no longer have the sharp vision I've always enjoyed for reading.  (I still vividly remember when my precious Mother, who had always enjoyed 20/20 vision asked me to thread a needle for her.)  And a similarly aged friend was recently diagnosed with significant hearing loss. Shes just been fitted for hearing aids and is amazed at what she has been missing.

When we don't get the reaction we're expecting, it may be that the other person doesn't see or hear what we do.

Intentional v. Unintentional

Things don't always happen as we'd hope.  Often it is unintentional neglect, oversight or ignorance of the situation that causes angst or hurt feelings.  When appropriately addressed, we can forgive and move on.  However, many damaged relationships occur because we think (or know) that the slights were intentional. 

Regardless of our assessment of how intentional or unintentional the action or inaction may be, we owe it to ourselves to assess the importance of the real or perceived unmet expectation. 

Valued relationships deserve fair assessments, the benefit of the doubt and second chances.

We all make many unintentional, and often unconscious, mistakes. 

Often, we need to accept heartfelt apologies intentionally and excuse unintentional slights as anomalies.

Two Very Different Dog Stories

A colleague was walking her dog this weekend and a pit bull scaled the 6-foot fence in his yard and attacked her beloved pet.  In the process of saving her companion, my colleague was also bitten.  Both my colleague and her dog sustained injuries but are recovering. 

The morning after I heard this story, I was running my normal route. As I rounded a corner, I was shocked to come within inches of a large dog tied to a post.  The dog's owner had stepped in for coffee across the street. 

Both my colleague and I were doing our thing without expectation of danger.  The huge fence between her and the aggressive pit bull would have appeared to be a protective barrier and wasn't.  There was no barrier as I unexpectedly encroached on the other dog's space.  However, this well-behaved animal barely noticed me.  Though I was frightened, the animal was not the threat I immediately assumed.

These experiences reminded me that safety and danger are not always as they appear.

Run or Retreat?

This weekend, I was enjoying a nice run in Port Mansfield, and was excited to spot a nice buck along the route.  This was quite a different site than my normal Houston runs!  Once the deer determined that I was no threat, he quickly resumed his morning meal and I happily continued my adventure.

Soon, a smaller four-legged creature challenged my right to continue.   A feisty, territorial pointer began barking threateningly as soon as I came into sight.  Though I was on the other side of the street, he didn't think I belonged anywhere in his neighborhood.  And since it's a sparsely populated area, there wasn't anyone to ask for assistance.  Though I continued to retreat, walking backwards with my eyes on him, he was not content.  Finally, a passing car distracted him and I turned and ran back to the club. 

Everyone is fearful or insecure about something. How we address these discomforts matters.  Knowing when to run and when to retreat is part instinct and part experience.  The more experienced we are the better our instincts become. 

Sometimes running is the answer.  And other times we need to retreat. 

Goldilocks Rain

Last week's YTD Houston rainfall was 2.5 inches above normal and 19 inches above last year's severe drought totals. Our reactions to rain vary with conditions.  Last year everyone in Houston was receptive to any and all moisture.  This year, there is a bit of weariness, yet few complaints, since we've recently experienced such a deficit. As with other things we tend to appreciate rain more when it is not readily available. 

In years when rainfall is at normal levels, people tend to focus only on the inconvenient timing of showers that impact their commutes or planned outdoor activities.

One recent morning, I enjoyed simply intently listening to the rain with no assessment of quantity or impact.

It's not unexpected that we all want Goldilocks rain - not too much, not too little, but just right.

It Is

We attribute labels to everything including these descriptive pairs, and no two lenses are exactly the same:

• Good/Bad
• Fair/Unfair
• Positive/Negative
• Easy/Hard
• Fun/Dull
• Interesting/Boring
• Valuable/Worthless
• Anticipating/Dreading
• Happy/Sad
• Energetic/Lethargic

Many of our assessments are situational, and thus ever evolving.  Others are wholly influenced by our interests.  Some are determined by how we are feeling about ourselves.  Few labels are 100% accurate without attributing context. 

It is!  Occasionally, it is helpful to to accept a situation as it is, without quickly assigning a judgmental label.  The more important the situation is, the more receptive we need to be to considering viewpoints that may differ from our own. It is easier to consider other inputs before we've become vested in our own assessment of best action.

My Purse Was Not Stolen at Church

For a minute, I thought that the unthinkable had occurred - that my purse had been stolen at church.  When we returned to our pew after taking communion, my purse wasn't where I'd left it, nor was it on the floor beneath the pew.   Panic set in as I looked all around for my missing purse.  Another parishioner and I had blindly followed Edgar into the pew in front of ours. Fortunately, when we spotted my purse behind us, we realized that we'd simply assumed the wrong seats.   The irony of Edgar leading us into the wrong pew is that he is ordinarily uncannily spatially aware. 

This was a vivid reminder:

• things aren't always as they seem
• every leader can make a wrong turn
• we can be badly mistaken when we jump hastily to a conclusion without examining the facts

Business as Unusual

I was visiting with some colleagues last week and someone commented about business as usual.  My response was, it's, "business as unusual".  We announced a merger two weeks ago which is expected to close mid-year.  Until closing we need to continue to profitably conduct business while also working through merger planning.  Ours is a unique situation that causes everyone in the franchise to assess what and how we are doing things.  However, it's advantageous for everyone in any organization to consider conducting business as unusual.  If we continue to do the same things we can expect the same or diminished results.  To remain competitive as a business or relevant as a non-profit, we must continually assess the best ways to achieve the results we want.

2 Minutes Flat

A fun-loving, fancy-free man, enjoying fresh air and the freedom  from a conventional commute that a convertible provides, merged into my lane on the Westpark Tollway.  For two minutes, his execution was flawless - an approach to follow.   Though I don't commute with my convertible top down, I momentarily considered a missed opportunity. 

Two minutes later, this frantic, forlorn man was tempting fate as he foolishly stopped his car on the Post Oak ramp to see how fast he could close his roof.

Things always change, but not always this rapidly.  If our view is narrow, we risk assessing the 2-minute convertible appropriate view. When we consider and evaluate more than the apparent visuals at hand, we gain a broader perspective.

Though we value speed, two minutes is not enough time to make an informed decision.

Who's in Charge?

There's nothing like spring cleaning to make us assess our blessings and the required care and feeding of our possessions. I finally understand why some older friends choose to downsize.  The daily, weekly, monthly and annual maintenance required for things we own can feel like these objects own us.  We need to ask ourselves, at least annually, if we still derive enjoyment from high maintenance things in our lives.

We need to keep things that give us pleasure, benefit or positive expectation.  If we can't anticipate any of these positive possibilities, why keep these possessions?

I know that my continual recycling of things I no longer need creates benefits for others who will enjoy them and will give new life to these items.

I choose to be in charge!

Were We at the Same Event?

I was once again vividly reminded that we all experience things from our own unique perspectives.

A friend and I were talking about an event she'd attended where she'd heard a popular elected official present. It was her first time to hear this individual and she thought it was a terrific presentation. I mentioned that I had heard this individual many times and generally enjoy hearing this person speak, but had attended a recent event where the person was distracted and rambled. As we delved further, we realized that we'd been in the same audience.

She saw energy, openness, candor and knowledge. I'd heard this individual convey all of these attributes, but was also accustomed to preparation and focus. She was delighted; I was disappointed.

There was no call to action in this presentation, so it didn't matter that we had such opposite assessments. But, what if it had been a situation, when there was a need to have everyone receive and act upon the same message? If the feedback loop only included her representative assessment, the opportunity to miss the goal would be enormous. One might assume that those with prior experience with the speaker would automatically be aligned, and view it as terrific that a newcomer was now onboard.

This was a reminder to me that when the outcome is important, the feedback loop needs to be broad.

Is the Grass Greener?

The grass is always greener when a professional is responsible for the care and feeding.

This applies to instances when we hire professionals to maintain our grounds. It is also relevant to job search options when an individual is discontented with a current employer but hasn't professionally examined the pros and cons of his/her current situation versus an alternative employer. If we only look at the above ground (green grass) optics, we may miss the deeply rooted core fundamentals. Temporary situations may look ominous, but we owe it to ourselves, careers and employers to determine if this is a temporary (water rationing during a drought) anomaly or a systemic problem. Unless we professionally invest time to understand and examine our current situation versus alternatives we may fall victim to the reality that the grass is really only greener in very specific geographies (employers).

May green grass flourish as we professionally invest in the care and feeding of our careers.