Goldilock Choices

This week I've been reminded of Goldilocks.  Trying to meet the expectations of even three people is sometimes difficult to do.  And crowd pleasing is far more challenging. Just like Goldilocks - there can be individual assessments of too much, too little or just right.

When we realize that we're never going to be able to satisfy all members of varied groups, every time, we can gather the best feedback available, and try to make things just right for the less rigid majority.

Obstacles

We all encounter unexpected things each day that cause us to change course.  Whether we view these obstacles as mere speed bumps, or road closings is up to us.  When we're forced to slow down, we must consciously consider next steps.  Sometimes these pauses render better outcomes than we would have gotten at full speed ahead.  And, even when it's an actual forced detour, we can choose to enjoy the scenery along the way or grumble.  It sometimes takes an obstacle to free us to to take another, often better, path.

Technology Desert

It would have been awesome if I'd experienced a technology dessert - think of the enjoyment without the calories and guilt.  However, mine was a technology desert, without an oasis.  We've become so very dependent upon technology that when it fails, we have an unexpected sense of loss and an accelerated sense of frustration.

I've been loyal to my technology provider forever.  In fact, I worked for the company during my first career.When my technology began failing quickly, and my only option was to patiently wait a week for a 4 hour repair window, that my working schedule would allow, my journey in the technology desert began.

My week in the technology desert highlighted the importance of:

• alternate ways to operate
• patience
• skill and persistence of technicians
• perspective

Consciously disconnecting is to be commended.  Being abruptly disconnected forces us to ultimately realize some of the same benefits.  

We all like choices.  Choosing when we want a technology desert rather than a technology oasis is the best option.

Constant Choices

Before 8:00 a.m. today I'd already made several choices that impacted the rest of my day:

• a few more moments of relaxation/sleep
• creating a centerpiece for the kitchen island
• thus, running 1/4 mile less than anticipated, yet 1/4 mile more than my daily requirement to meet my annual goal

Fortunately, these terrific early morning choices positively impacted the rest of my day. I responded early to my needs for rest, creativity and exercise. 

Though our constant barrage of daily choices aren't always as clear cut as these, it is sometimes helpful to remember that each simple choice we make can positively or negatively impact our days, thus our lives. 

Just Start

To Do Lists are so helpful.  And often, they include things we just don't want to do.  It's so very rewarding to be able to accomplish a goal and eliminate an item.  But sometimes, just noting progress toward a challenging item is liberating.  Getting started is frequently the most difficult step for a project that we don't want to do.

Setting a timer works well for me.  I often choose 15 minutes because it is such a doable time frame. Happily, I'm often so motivated by the start, and the option to quit, that I do far more than anticipated.  

Starting is the first step toward achievement!

Practical Impracticality

My life is so full of doing what is expected, practical, and multi-faceted.  I was shocked at our running shoe selections, when Julia and I visited one of Houston's premiere running stores during Easter weekend.  My young, multi-half marathoner daughter, chose a sedate shoe.  Surprisingly, I chose the hot pink running shoe!

My normal shoe purchases are basic colors which go with everything in my wardrobe.  Even my first running shoes coordinated with most attire.  However, this year I decided to be practically impractical, and chose hot pink running shoes.  Though I'll often clash with my running attire, my bright happy feet will bring another terrific reminder that sometimes impracticality is amazingly practical.

Life's a Buffet

All you can eat buffets have great appeal for some, and aren't attractive to others of us.  Though, I don't like them, I've learned to love the analogy.  With an enormous buffet, options are beautifully presented.  Choices are left to the diner (life architect).  Theoretically, a diner could choose a portion from every offered option.  However, the realities of capacity, appetite and interest cause most of us to make choices that are realistic for us.

In life's buffet, we would all be well served to choose people, experiences, foods and things that fully nourish and energize us.

Perspective

The newest terrific book I've read, is The Noticer by Andy Andrews.  This birthday present, from a dear friend, is so rich with life lessons that I can't quit touting it to friends. It is a quick 156 page read featuring a wise old man who appears, just as needed, to provide "perspective" to young and old.
His life lessons include:

• Other people's experience is the best teacher.
• Whatever you focus on, increases.
• A true friend brings out the best in you.
• We communicate and receive indications of love as puppies, cats, goldfish or canaries.
• Only 8% of the things most of us worry about are legitimate concerns.
• By examining a single leaf in a forest, you can determine the season and the type of tree.  
• Tiny differences can have huge impacts.
• When you need to accomplish something great, you need an idea and action.
• There is no power in intention, only in doing.
• Choices have far greater consequences than mere mistakes.

Our Seemingly Inconsequential Paths

I was once again reminded how wonderfully connected everything is on Friday as I arrived at an event with 1200 attendees.  Though most arriving guests were being directed to the right, hand signals with a distant greeter assured me that entering on the left was perfectly acceptable. 

It quickly became very clear to me why I chose the less promoted path, when a friend who had just extended an invitation the previous day,was the first person to greet me.  My luck continued as I entered an attractive theatre row and was greeted by friends in the row behind and several seats over from my favorite nonprofit.  Moving my seat allowed meaningful, unexpected dialogue.

The only other person I needed to see at the event, was at the door as I exited.

Generally, I visit with numerous people at large events.  However, my only three significant engagements on this occasion were with people with whom I had current business. The chances for me to randomly only encounter these 3 people in a crowd of 1200 gives me one more assurance that everything is connected. 

Add an E for Excellence

Create and react have 5 of the same letters.  However, when you move the "c" to the beginning and add an "e" to the end of the shorter word, we find that we are in control.  When we are reacting, others have the advantage.  But when we are creating ideas, plans and actions we have an excellent possibility of crafting the life we choose, rather than having one chosen for us by reactive default.

Countless Options - Two Clear Choices

The International Ice Cream Association reports that 1.52 billion gallons of ice cream were produced in 2009.  Despite countless available flavors, the top two choices were vanilla (27.8%) and chocolate (14.3%).  When confronted with too many choices, it appears that more than 40% of us clearly opt for one of two traditional favorites.

My theory is that we all like options.  However, if these statistics are indicative, when the decision is important, providing limited versus abundant options may better drive a decision.

Acting When It's Too Important

Sometimes the importance of the occasion paralyzes us.  How do we adequately acknowledge the occasions of those we cherish dearly?  Gift registries assist us in determining what the celebrants desire.  The price tag assigned to these items makes it easy to know how much each requested item costs.  However, it also makes it almost too transparent.  Alternately, Aunt Maude's silver tray might become a more appropriate gift (for the giver) because it has no assigned retail value, but unallocated worth + sentimental value.  But, this might not be a gift that the happy couple values.

Ultimately, we are all happiest when we apply the platinum rule and gift to others items they would like (with or without the assistance of a gift registry) versus gifting items that we would like.

How to Buy

We are all inundated daily with recommendations from well-meaning experts/friends/acquaintances/opportunistic sellers.  Selectively incorporating these suggestions allows us to adapt ideas that we might have missed and choose the best options.

 For these recommendations to be helpful we must:

• Know and trust the person recommending
• Have an interest in the product or service
• Be ready to buy

Predictably Irrational

Dan Ariely's fascinating book, Predictably Irrational - The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions, gives us insight into the reasons that most people don't make smart, rational choices.  He explores the impact of relativity, anchoring, free offers, social norms, ownership valuation, price conditioning and non-cash cheating.

Relativity captures the concept that that most people must see a product or service in context with other like things before they know if this is something they want.

Anchoring is our practice of establishing a particular price to establish the worth of a product.

Our captivation with free offers often moves us to make purchases we would not otherwise consider.

Social norms can influence us to volunteer our service when we would otherwise be unwilling to provide discounted service.  When money is involved we tend to use market value to assess the situation.

Once we own something, we become vested and tend to elevate the value of the item.

Price conditioning can cause us to believe that a higher cost product delivers higher value.

Non-cash cheating takes many forms from increasing the value of a lost insured item to wearing and returning garments.  It is easier to rationalize these actions when cash is one step removed from the acts.

His excellent examples for each of these concepts provide a new lens for considering rational and irrational decision-making.

Do It Ourselves 24x7x365

When I was growing up, churches, hospitals and fire/police stations were about the only establishments open on Sunday.  There were no self-serve gas stations or check-out lines. ATMs were introduced during my youth. In the past years we've gotten accustomed to being able to conduct business 24x7x365.  Technology coupled with our need for speed and convenience has led to us to choose to serve ourselves rather than be subject to time frames instilled by others. 

As the speed of life has increased, we've taken on more tasks that once were done for us.  Just because we can conduct business 24x7x365 doesn't mean we should.  Technology doesn't need a break, but humans do.  Rather than letting technology control us with its continuous availability, we owe it to ourselves to consciously choose to use the access available to us to balance the things we must and should do with those we'd also like to do.  Many of us have lost sight of the fact that technology was initially introduced to allow us more leisure time. With our ever-present electronic leashes we're in danger of reverting back to agrarian times when sleep was the only weekday down-time.

Because we can do many things we need to do 24x7x365, let's seize the chance to carve out time each day for the want to dos rather that fill all available hours with the musts and shoulds. 

Choices

Think of several people you know well. My guess is that there are differing degrees of decisiveness among your list, as is the case with mine.  I have a friend who wants to evaluate all possibilities before making a choice. By contrast, when I find something I like, I am happy to make that choice and move on. 

Sheena Iyengar, a professor at Columbia Business School, has written a book, The Art of Choosing.  I enjoyed her findings about choosing from a presentation that she made:

• Some decisions are easier when choices are narrowed.
• We assume that we know what we want, but don't always recognize our preferences.
• Happiness comes from wanting what we get.
• We sometimes make choices contrary to our preferences in order to express our individuality. 
• When we are seduced by too many possibilities, we may avoid making a decision.

I've often said that everyone wants options.  The ability to choose is energizing and liberating.  However, unlimited choice can be paralyzing.

Do You Really Want to Walk a Mile in Someone Else's Stinky Shoes?

We don't have to do an in-depth analysis to readily discover that generally we'd much rather live our own lives than trade issues with others. We typically wish for media ready aspects of others' lives rather than considering the whole enchilada.  We used to refer to these opportunities as "walking a mile in your shoes".  

There are many reasons for re-choosing our own lives:

• we love our lives
• we like our lives better than we like change or uncertainty
• we know what to expect
• we consciously made the decisions to create our current environment
• we know how to deal with our issues
• we are afraid of the unknown
• other people's shoes stink

In my many cherished years of volunteering at Texas Children's Hospital, I never left the premises without being profoundly grateful for my blessings and thankful that mine were the only issues I faced.  This sentiment is ever present as I currently spend countless joyful hours at DePelchin Children's Center.

I don't know about you, but I've never really wanted to walk in anyone else's stinky shoes.

Trade-Offs

We have a lovely canopy of green on two sides of our pool.  I can't imagine how dramatically altered the view would be without all the trees.  Our trade-off for this enjoyment is an ongoing battle with leaves, berries and flowers in the pool. 

Trade-offs permeate all aspects of our lives.  We must always assess whether the benefit we derive is worth the price we pay. 

• Is a wonderful job worth a long commute?
• Is a promising career at a great organization worth the annoyances?
• Is the promotion worth the increased time, responsibility and stress?
• Is a few minutes more sleep worth the risk of being late?
• Is the fabulous dessert worth the calories?
• Is the stunning outfit worth the cost?
• Is having the last word worth damaging a relationship?

Assessments change over time as our priorities and circumstances shift.  I'm always happiest when I realize that I have options and consciously choose my actions.

Right Turns

One rule we can highlight for our maturing children (and ourselves and our parents) is to make right turns.

• Every parent wants our child(ren) to make the right choices and choose friends with high standards.  Each right action has the potential for enormous positive impact and can be categorized as a right turn. 
• Learning to drive safely as a teenager and preserving the option to drive safely as we age also involves making right turns whenever possible.   

Goldilocks v. Gildedlocks

In this age of abundant choices we've become like Goldilocks - we want everything just right, if not better. That's simply not always possible. And in some instances, it leads to average or detrimental results.

Courses, opportunities or projects that are too easy can bore us; if they are just right we cease to learn, stretch and grow. Courses, opportunities and projects that are a bit too difficult probably provide the right challenge.

Food and beverages seem to be categories where the Goldilocks Syndrome is justified - too little or too much can be unhealthy.

We know that too little exercise compromises our well-being; moderate increases beyond the recommended levels help us achieve improved health.

Interpersonal skills tend to be an area where a deficiency significantly negatively impacts happiness and success; and exceptional abilities make a tremendous difference in friendships, careers, contacts and contracts.

What's just right in community engagement of our time, talent and treasure? The needs are never-ending, so we can question what difference one more hour or one more dollar will make. To those served, the impact can be life-changing.

Help me not to be Goldilocks, but Gildedlocks - one who always understands and applies the effort-consequences-benefit equation.