Underselling

So many people exaggerate - intentionally or unintentionally.  Many of us are taught from toddler-hood to be polite and respectful.  In following our lifelong teachings, we sometimes overplay just how comparatively good something is to normal, average or everyday.  It's rarer that we are undersold on the attributes of an item or experience.  Though they were afraid they had oversold Crystal Bridges Art Museum, my wonderful parents, despite their best attempts at a fair, but incredibly positive review, had actually undersold this phenomenal venue.  

Though I knew I would love it, I was blown away, because it was far better than I'd imagined.

Exaggeration may be good for egos - ours and others, but underselling (when a sale is made) has the opportunity to create remarkable experiences and memories.

Looking Forward

When grief takes center stage in life, it is hard to think beyond the moment.  However, it is healing and healthy to find future oriented things to anticipate.  So often, when asked what another can do for us, we don't have an answer.  One of the loveliest things that our extended family did, to alleviate the anxiety of our first altered Thanksgiving, was to create a totally different venue.

It is helpful to have others engage us in interesting experiences beyond the walls of our "one day at a time" existence.

Glad to Be Gumby (Flexible)

Flexibility cannot be emphasized enough in leading, getting along or thriving with manageable stress.

Planning and preparation are crucial for creating stellar experiences. However, flexibility is essential in making sure most folks have the intended experience.

Preparation allows for improvisation.  And improvisation allows folks to have the intended experience.

Everything is beautifully connected when we plan ahead.

Try Again

I encourage trying once again things that might have been unsavory, yucky, unpleasant or dissatisfying, if others you trust continue to tout the merits. Though I spent the first half of my life hating cooked cauliflower and brussel sprouts, I now enthusiastically encourage others who might have also been turned away by these veggies to give them another chance.  It is liberating to finally embrace and fully enjoy two previously abhorred dishes (that happen to also be nutritionally terrific).  Granted, the preparation of the veggies has varied tremendously since my first awful experiences, but my tastes and adventuresome have also expanded.  

Whether it is food, experiences, ways of thinking or people, it is easy to adopt an attitude that one bad encounter is enough to permanently eliminate future encounters.  However, just as my longtime  negatively held beliefs about cauliflower and brussel sprouts changed to positive, we may sometimes realize that maybe that, as in baseball, we should allow three strikes before declaring anything potentially worthwhile as out (of our lives).

Now and Next

Regardless of our passions, age or experience -  we owe it to ourselves, families, communities and careers to consciously consider what we are doing now that excites us, or brings us joy, or makes a difference.  (Ideally these things will converge.) And with those answers, we must consider how we will invest our time, talent and treasure to insure that what we do next will continue to make a difference to us, those we love and those we aspire to help.

Run or Retreat?

This weekend, I was enjoying a nice run in Port Mansfield, and was excited to spot a nice buck along the route.  This was quite a different site than my normal Houston runs!  Once the deer determined that I was no threat, he quickly resumed his morning meal and I happily continued my adventure.

Soon, a smaller four-legged creature challenged my right to continue.   A feisty, territorial pointer began barking threateningly as soon as I came into sight.  Though I was on the other side of the street, he didn't think I belonged anywhere in his neighborhood.  And since it's a sparsely populated area, there wasn't anyone to ask for assistance.  Though I continued to retreat, walking backwards with my eyes on him, he was not content.  Finally, a passing car distracted him and I turned and ran back to the club. 

Everyone is fearful or insecure about something. How we address these discomforts matters.  Knowing when to run and when to retreat is part instinct and part experience.  The more experienced we are the better our instincts become. 

Sometimes running is the answer.  And other times we need to retreat. 

Lucky Penny Experiment is Working

With three weeks to go, the last lucky penny in the experiment was shared today and the first lucky penny made it back from a friend unmet in Portland, OR.  It traveled from Houston to Austin to Denver to Portland, hopefully spreading happy cheer across the country.

Many thanks for the positive, encouraging feedback and for enthusiastically sharing good luck and great cheer with others.

We all need encouragement and my hopes are that this little experiment will touch several lives as the luck is passed from friend to friend.

Experience v. Explanation

How many times have we been victim of or the perpetrator of explaining rather than creating the forum for an experience?  The answer is - far too many!  When we remember that people (we) like to buy but don't like to be sold, it's easier to halt the boring fact-filled presentations and actually listen and learn what a buyer (or we) expect from a relationship.

Learning from Unpleasant Experiences

A dear friend and I were discussing some of her young children's recent unpleasant experiences.  One was just part of growing up, another was exposure to animal cruelty, the next was unintentionally sharing personal information with an outsider and the final situation caused insecurity about the child's future.  She was understandably upset and seemed comforted by my suggestion that the incidents might launch discussions about the importance of:

• Talking about feelings
• Respecting personal, sensitive information
• Realizing that families and love are forever
• Doing the best we can everyday and asking sincerely for forgiveness
• Acknowledging that we can’t “unsay” hurtful things

We all advance when we learn from our mistakes and those of others.

Role Models in the Halls

Yesterday I had the chance to spend 10 unexpected minutes with the CEO of a major publicly traded corporation.  He was gracious, engaged and seemingly unaware of his other back-to-back appointments.  While we were visiting, it was as if ours was one of the many important appointments he had scheduled during the day. 

I often feel that I am racing from one appointment to another, happy to arrive on time to each. This CEO, who took the time to totally engage in a meaningful conversation in the midst of a crazy, busy schedule, has unintentionally served as a role model.  The role model lesson I learned was when golden opportunities arise, don't rush past the potential experience.

U-Turns in Life

Last night after Gar's winning lacrosse game, I chose to take him to his car at school rather than have him ride the bus back.  As we approached a burger joint that I'd never enjoyed, Gar remarked about how good it was, and asked if I'd been there.  We discussed stopping, but he wavered, partly because it was in such close proximity to the opponent school.  As we passed it, and he continued to remark about the yummy factor, I said that I wished that he'd committed sooner.  With the unencumbered wisdom of a high school student, he mentioned that we had a perfectly good U-Turn ahead. 

Our U-Turn yielded a delicious bison burger and delightful visit.  And the experience reminded me that even if we are on a good path, we may need to consider U-Turns that lead to even better experiences, or at least most enjoyable side trips.

Filters

We all filter information based upon our knowledge and experiences.  When we are relaying information from a presentation to others, we often cull the information that we already know and only share new findings or current status.  Because we all view the world so differently, this filtered information may or may not be helpful to others.  Our view of the world can prevent us from seeing the world as others do.  Just as we check the lint filter in the dryer with each use, we should check our own information filters frequently.

Scars & Stripes

My childhood was inundated with countless wonderful events and memories with Mama, Daddy, my brothers (Mark and Steve) and many multi-generational grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  "Stripes" definitely prevail with countless positive experiences and memories.  We didn't realize when we were growing up that others didn't have such a robust posse of relatives.  Though my childhood was blessed predominately with positives, a fading scar brought reality and remembrance to my idyllic childhood.

 My cousins and I were playing chase at my grandparent's remote farm.  I vividly remember lots of running and laughs before I slipped on the gravel and badly cut my knee. Though my Mother immediately (realistically) wanted to take me back to civilization to get stitches, I insisted that I'd be okay.   I was playing with the big cousins (including Reggie), and didn't want to acknowledge my vulnerability.  The (unnecessary) scar I've had for so very many years is finally fading.  Had I headed Mama's advice to abandon our adventure and get the required stitches, I wouldn't have retained the daily reminder of Reggie's life, impact and heroic death. 

I don't remember when my accident occurred, but vividly recall when we received the tragic news that my  much older cousin who I'd been playing with that day was killed in Viet Nam.  Reggie was only the second young person I knew who met an untimely death.  Sometimes scars connect us to events that wouldn't otherwise be vivid; remind us to cherish simple pleasures; and allow us to gratefully acknowledge all who have helped us become the person we were intended to be.

Scars and stripes make the stars bright each night.

Pain - Experience - Comfort

When we are in the midst of a personal crisis, it's impossible to see, believe or understand that lessons will be learned from the profound pain.  We must deal with our situation in the manner and time frame that work with our volatile emotions, fragile state and capacity to deal with well-meaning, caring, insensitive and unknowing individuals.  At the point when we've dealt with the initial shock and adjustment to an altered reality that we never imagined, we must put our new life together one baby step per day.  Some days will be baby steps forward.  Others will be baby or big steps backward.  Each step, regardless of the direction, is a  way of dealing with our new future. 

No two experiences are alike.  But, pain is real.  Regardless of the way that we process our loss, we can all benefit from sincere empathy, especially of others who have lost loved ones. 

Thus, the comfort.  When we receive the comfort extended by others, regardless of form, the giver and we benefit.  I still vividly remember critically assessing comments when my brother Mark died.  I was mourning, angry and inept at dealing with the situation.  Two years later, as we had the unthinkable grief of dealing with my brother Steve's death, I'd matured in my thinking.  Since I'd already experienced profound, untimely loss, I'd had the chance to realize, recognize and process the reality that any expression of concern is appropriate and appreciated.  We teach our children to deal with so many realities.  However, dealing with death is not in the curriculum.

Anyone who extends an expression of sympathy, regardless of form, is to be appreciated.  They've done what other well-meaning, but unacting others would like to express.

From our pain, we gain experience.  When we use our experience to comfort others we reduce our pain and increase our comfort.

Mine!

We are all influenced, positively and negatively by all of our experiences.  We are sometimes discouraged from emphasizing individual priorities v. team accomplishments.  Generally it's appropriate and beneficial to broadly give credit.

Though I enthusiastically credit the others who are involved, I eagerly claim the following as mine:
my name
my family
my reputation
my experience
my offspring
my salvation
my influence
my attitude
my impact

Flight Risk

Because I've had the privilege of flying most of my life in small planes with my Daddy, I assess flight risk differently than most others.  In a well maintained plane, with a qualified pilot, my assessment is that the risk is very low - in fact, less than taking a road trip.  And, with most commercial airlines, I also trust that this is my safest mode of travel.

We all assess risks based upon our experiences and available data.  Though my experience is somewhat unique, with the many check points required, flying remains my preferred, safest way to travel.