A Flat Tire Doesn't Have to Suck the Air Out of Your Day

My day had gone so very well, and I was really looking forward to a small dinner party, in a lovely home, with interesting, accomplished women.  And when the air went suddenly out of my tire, on the way to the party, I chose not to let this suck the air out of an otherwise great day.  Yes, I was disappointed, frustrated and inconvenienced.  Yet, as I've been doing, I chose to put it in perspective and focus on the positives of a negative situation.

Positives:

• I stopped for gas seconds after I drove over whatever obstacle damaged my tire, and discovered the problem.  This was a low speed road hazard incident with no loss of vehicle control or wheel damage, and the car had not yet even exhibited flat tire symptoms.  Had I stopped for gas, as intended, earlier  in the day, the situation would have been far worse.
• It was daylight, in somewhat familiar territory, and my vehicle's roadside assistance was a phone call away.
• The dinner party wasn't at my home.

Lessons reinforced:

• Patience
• Flexibility
• Gratitude
• Some things can't be controlled
• There are so many lovely, skilled people willing to assist us when we acknowledge their talents.

When bad things happen we can choose to be victims or victorious.  Victorious feels a million times better!

Turning a Negative Into a Positive

Frustrations are part of life.  How we deal with them impacts our success and happiness.  A dear friend encountered a major wreck on her way home from work this week. She knew that she could spend an uncertain, but significant amount of time stuck in traffic, so she changed the scenario.  She exited at one of her favorite retail haunts, enjoyed visiting with similarly destined and friendly strangers; had the chance to offer fashion advice to her new situational friends, and snagged a cool handbag.

Rather than moaning the next day about her traffic woes, she cheerfully sported her new find.

Life happens best when we choose to turn negatives into positives.

Start Again

Reboot sounds so technical.  However, starting again sounds so full of promise.

Whether we are human or machine, we sometimes need a break from continuous expectations.  Machines tend to let us know in gentle, or service impacting ways, that something needs to change.  As humans, we aren't usually as apt to realize or communicate that we've reached our limits of operating as we usually have operated.

Time out, restart, reboot or start again are all differently acceptable ways of positively accepting that something needs to change in order to realize different outcomes.

Starting again, with mutually endorsed objectives and mutually accepted unmet expectations, can be the human equivalent of a reboot.

This Is Exactly What I Want to Be Doing!

Whether we say anything or not, others realize how enthusiastic we are about the activity that we're:

• enjoying
• pretending to enjoy
• waiting for it to end

One of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves and others is fully embracing whatever experience we are tackling, and fully engaging with those with whom we are experiencing the activity.

Early this morning, I realized that running was exactly what I wanted to be doing at that time.  This realization encouraged me to consciously evaluate other meaningful experiences (useful, interesting or expected).  

The more frequently we plan our future activities to include only things that we will eagerly anticipate, or truly must do, the more often we will find ourselves doing exactly what we want to be doing.

No Limits!

This month has been a blur of positive energy, successes, possibilities, encouragement, advancements, challenges overcome, teamwork, creativity, initiative, compassion and innovation.  Though there are countless things over which we have no control, this reminds me that there are no limits to the way we react, respond or take charge of the situations we encounter.

I've previously shared insights from several of these events, but feel inspired to share some thoughts from some of the exceptional women I've been privileged to hear in the past two days:

• Kathrine Switzer - 1st female Boston marathon runner
• Kay Bailey Hutchison - 1st female to represent Texas in the U.S. Senate
• Sheryl WuDunn - 1st Asian-American Pulitzer Prize Winner
• Dr. Bonnie Dunbar - Astronaut who flew the first docking flight between the Russian Space Station and the Space Shuttle
• Bonnie St. John - 1st African-American ski racing Olympic medalist

Each of these remarkable women has chosen to use her accomplishments and wide public acknowledgement to become positive, outspoken role models and change agents.  

My loving parents encouraged me from birth hat I could do and be anything.  So many of our young women and men need external encouragers.

When we positively pursue our passions with hard work, commitment and obsession for excelling, there are no limits!

Three Things I Can Control

It is my nature to try to make things as good as they can be.  This tendency has led to struggles as I've tried to control things beyond myself.  This year I am consciously focusing on three things over which I have absolute control - my attitude, actions and effort.

Regardless of what is happening around me and what others are doing, I have the option to disengage from  circumstantial drama or group think.  With positive focus, my attitude, actions and effort are within my total control.

Going Positively Postal

It's my privilege and obligation to commend the United States Postal Service for their early Mother's Day delivery!  I found a terrific gift for my precious role model Mama on Saturday, and made it to my neighborhood post office before the last pick-up.  I opted for 2 business day delivery since it was a week and a day before Mother's Day.  Much to my delight and surprise, this love-filled package arrived ahead of schedule on Monday. 

It's as easy to commend (and much more gratifying) as it is to complain.  Let's all go positively postal with acknowledgement of those we love and treasure!

Finding the Benefit in a Negative Change

I've recently had to make a temporary and gargantuan technological change.  I live by my online calendar, email and contacts.  My office and home systems have been the same for too many years to mention. I was recently converted to an office system that is no longer commonly used.

Though I prefer the platform that we will ultimately migrate (back) to, I've decided to try to make lemonade from this current batch of lemons.

Some positive thoughts I've embraced include:

• learning something new keeps us on our toes
• we often ask our associates to embrace change that is as foreign to them as this technology regression is to us
• readily sharing tips and tools accelerates everyone's learning curve and can improve relationships
• we don't always appreciate what we have until we lose it
• I'm resilient
• there are always multiple ways to accomplish tasks
• learning occurs at every age and stage

How Full is Your Glass?

Is your glass half full to overflowing as mine is? Or is it half empty to cracked and leaking like some folks I know. Though we all tend to be optimists or pessimists both groups often assert that they are realists. Regardless of our typical label, we have the chance each day to choose the way we'll view situations.

Dread is One Letter Away from Dead

I'd never thought about the absolute negative power of "dread".  Because it's only one letter away from "dead", it made me realize again that we sometimes create our own "tomb" by thinking negatively.  When we actively engage in dreading a foregone outcome, we rob ourselves of the chance to cherish the positive moments we actually have.  And so many potentially negative outcomes never materialize.  By holding "dear" the people, moments, memories and dreams that matter, we banish things we "dread" and cherish all we hold "dear".

Make Other Feel Special

There are myriad ways to make others feel special and I've highlighted thirteen.  It's a win-win, because we also benefit from positive interactions with others. 

• Recognize and acknowledge positive things about them. 
• Actively listen to what they are communicating.
• Smile.
• Remember significant milestones and special occasions.
• Tell others about their expertise and successes.
• Recommend them.
• Engage in meaningful conversation.
• Be fully present when in their presence.
• Share tips, tools and resources.
• Provide constructive feedback.
• Send an unexpected greeting.
• Make helpful introductions.
• Give sincere compliments.

Living Life Forward

We would never arrive at our destination if we looked only in the rear view mirror.  So many find themselves in park or going in reverse by viewing only what is behind them.  Only when we use the windshield and side view mirrors do we have a clear view of possibilities and a path forward.

Winning Attitude

Gar's lacrosse team won their first playoff game this evening!  Kinkaid beat a rival that they'd also previously defeated during the regular season.  This victory was on the heels of two serious defeats at the Southwest Preparatory Conference games this past weekend.  What a difference a couple of days makes.  Our team didn't play up to their potential this weekend, nor did they exhibit the winning attitude that they'd adopted through most of the season.  Tonight, in the seniors' last game at home, the team recovered their winning attitude and played as the cohesive team they've become.

In lacrosse and in life, when skill is equivalent, a winning attitude is the secret weapon.

There's Always Something Nice to Say

It's amazing to me, how many people have made my day with a lovely, unexpected comment.  We each walk through the door each day with our own skills, attitudes, issues and experiences.  It doesn't take much effort to make someone's day.  There is almost always something nice to observe about someone we encounter.  When we take the time to make a positive comment, we often make the other person's day.  And the extra benefit, is that their enthusiastic reaction can make our day, too.

Look for the Best

It's easy to find fault and complain, but it creates a downward spiral.  A better, more productive approach is to look for something positive, redeeming or unique about the situation, process or person.  This allows us to positively redirect our energy and possibly gain a new perspective.

When Stuff Happens

When unexpected and unpleasant stuff happens it's important to stifle the urge to react swiftly and inappropriately. Unless we stifle an initial, inappropriate reaction, we're perpetuating the cycle.

It's No Longer Looking Like Christmas

Though it's no longer looking like Christmas, I've tackled the un-decorating process this year with the same focus I embraced when decorating just after Thanksgiving.
We intentionally leave our Christmas decorations up through the 12th day of Christmas.  This also tends to sync with the date when Julia returns for the spring semester.  It's generally much more fun when we're making it look like Christmas than when we're taking down and storing decorations.  Decorating is another example of the benefit of anticipation.  Decorating marks the beginning of a season of celebration, fun and festivities. 

The house initially looks so bare for the first days after everything is restored to pre-Christmas order. This is especially the case when the Christmas tree is returned to the garage and the garlands are removed from the mantles but the furniture and accessories are not yet back in place.  I've changed my attitude this year to mark the un-decorating process as the preparation for a full, exciting year ahead.  It's taking longer than usual as I incorporate extra cleaning into the process.  I've adopted my Mom's lovely attitude of gratitude as I carefully wash each piece of decorative crystal.  When we take time to individually care for each item, we have the chance to really appreciate its beauty.  And I've discovered that washing the large living room windows is much easier before the furniture is back in place. 

Another plus is the beneficial exercise I've gotten with so very many trips to the third floor and up and down the ladder. 

Though the only thing that's changed is my attitude, un-decorating just isn't as gloomy this year. 

What Happy Working Mothers Know

In What Happy Working Mothers Know by Cathy L. Greenberg and Barrett S. Avigdor, the authors show that happiness makes a positive difference in the lives of mothers, children, the workplace and in careers. Choosing a positive approach to life and embracing all that's possible is the starting point.  True happiness is not about instant gratification.  It is a state of being focused on an abundance versus scarcity mentality.

Though we all do things out of love for our children and our desire to help them succeed, the statistics reveal that the best thing we can do for them is to find our own happiness and peace and share that sense of calm and joy with them. 

According to Barbara L. Frederickson's research, when we experience three positive emotions for every one negative emotion, we become more creative and a better version of ourselves.

Knowing when and how to say no without feeling guilty increases life satisfaction and, therefore, happiness.

The happiest people are those who feel integrated - their work and personal lives are separate but connected by a common thread of values and priorities.  Happiness is within the grasp of each of us if we learn to love ourselves, appreciate the beauty of life around us, and use our strengths to make our mark on the world.

The elements of a happy working mother are:

H - Healthy physically and emotionally
A - Adaptive to changes in circumstances
P - Proud of her family just as they are
P - Proud of her work
Y - Young at heart